Can't stand it anymore :(

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Petal, Oct 9, 2014.

  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Cannot stand people ignoring me all the time, talking down to me, treating me like crap, why do I deserve this???? What the hell did I do, I do not know. I am sorry for being me. I cannot continue like this. I have not said this in a long long time but right now I hate myself. I just don't belong, I don't belong anywhere. I'm afraid of the world. It's cruel, vile, nasty. What did I do to deserve this? Don't fit in anywhere, people don't want to be around me. I fucking hate myself!!!

    I don't know how to behave normally anymore, my head is messing up again and I really don't want to even leave my room.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am a burden to everyone around me. Things are beginning to look bleak. I don't know what to do anymore :( People pretend to like me just because they have to cross paths with me. ........lost for words, don't know what to do. I am selfish, useless, fat, naive, gullible and a million other things :( I am fucking tired of people in the village looking at me like I'm some freak ''the girl who didn't leave the house for years''. Maybe that is a freak.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2014
  3. Sain

    Sain Active Member

    :hug2: sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well Lynn. I hope that things start to look up soon. We love you Lynn. That's no bs either.
  4. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry Petal, and honestly, I was going to write up a rant today myself, so I'll just offer you support instead. I'm sorry you feel this way, and Its really too bad that people get enjoyment out of making good people feel bad.
  5. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    Lynn, you have been one of the kindest people I have met in a long time. You welcomed me from day one. You spoke to me when no one else would and listened to everything I have ever said. I am always there for you, because I consider you a pretty damn good friend. Do not ever let anyone feel like you are less of a person than you are. You are amazing. *bighugs*
  6. shadowonthewall

    shadowonthewall Well-Known Member

    Sorry that you are feeling this way. Like another user has mentioned, you have shown kindness to the users of this message board. You should rest assured that you are better than those bigots.
  7. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel so bad...I understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel like my life is a cruel joke. I think the isolation makes it worse.

    Could you join a support group of some type? The reason I say that is because you may be able to connect with people who feel the same way.

    You have many good points, try to turn your attention to them if you can. I only know you from reading your posts, but I could guess that you are a sensitive, loving, kind person who feels deeply and who can also be very positive. I'm sure many of the people who judge you and treat you horribly don't have all those traits. You strength is different to other peoples, which is maybe part of the reason you're going through such hard times.

    I understand how painful it is to be judged and outcasted and looked down upon. You're not alone in feeling this way. Many people who have achieved great things have also felt deep despair (for example many artists or writers or actors) so you're not alone!
  8. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well...I have never been much good at pretending anything! So, I just want you to know that my high opinion of you and grand admiration are completely genuine. They are based on your behaviors here: that is- your words & your actions; which have rarely been less than deeply generous & full of heart. A great spirit and life force lies within you and I often find it awe-inspiring. Anyway, just thought you should know...
  9. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    Lynn.....please don't listen to what people are saying about you. I happen to find you one of the most amazing people I know. You are not now nor have you ever been a burden to me. You have always been there for me no matter what, even when I have been a pain in the ass. I allow very few people into my life and you allowed in as my sister. No matter what I will always hold a special place in my heart for you. I'm sending you get big ol bear hugs hun.
  10. Sammy

    Sammy New Member

    Dear Lynn, I think everyone has feelings like this at some stage in their lives, just remember that you're not alone :) and it wont last forever. There is no such thing as a perfect person, everyone secretly dislikes things about themselves, everyone wishes they could be different in some respect, absolutely everyone. If you're at that stage where it's all too hard to cope with maybe it's time to make a change? We're all really lucky in a way because we have the ability to start fresh, by this I mean to change jobs/studies, change cities, change countries anything. Get out of this situation and begin a new chapter of your life, and if it's as bad you say and you're surrounded by such judgmental people, then all the more reason to do this.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thank you everyone for the lovely replies, honestly they are really nice. I have this feeling inside me that ''everyone must like me'' I know that is not reality or logical but I was told before it is down to a personality disorder. I am dependent on valium, I do take it as prescribed but I cannot do anything without it, I don't take more than prescribed. I thought I could go without it a week ago cos I was feeling so good but that's good for me 'cos now I'm sure this is acute.
    This happened a good few weeks ago aswell, it was an acute anxiety attack. The only way I can see out of the way I'm feeling now (which won't last long I am sure) is to not watch TV, not use the internet, stay in bed with the covers over my heads and let my thoughts eat me up. But I know I won't do that, I will get up and say what did I say or do yesterday? and even if it's not negative, I will still feel bad. I'm a massive burden, all I do is upset people (not on purpose). I don't care what any psych or anyone says, I know why. It's because I never left the house for years and I guess I missed the transition of being a teen to being an adult, it's very hard. I never got that ''growing up part''. I feel very bad. If I didn't have SF I don't know what I would do :(

    When I wake in the morning I will even feel anxious about this post. I cannot control it. It's a horrible, trapped feeling.
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Feeling awful, so bad. This is not me at all.I'm not suicidal at all, just wish this huge wave of anxiety will disappear soon.
  13. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I truly hope this anxiety will pass soon, and you can get back to being the positive positive positive lady we all know and love.

    Feel better Petal, and thanks for your support :)
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thank you :hug:

    It has passed thank goodness. I just woke 30 mins ago and was like wow I have no anxiety. And then I read back on what I had posted and think. that's not me at all. So I was right it was an acute anxiety attack, I feel great today, I must ask my doctor though next time I see her are there any options of what I can do when this happens or even better how to prevent them. It could be one of the many medications I am interacting or something.

    I heart you guys :)
  15. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I would also add in that you do bring an element of Irish charm to the forum. I can guarantee that you are one of those people I hope to chat to for years to come because there's lots of fun chats (and laughs), among the more serious things.

    Sounds like you had a rough time and I'm sorry I wasn't on much this last 7-10 days to give more of them (fun chats). But you truly are a shining light for everyone here who takes the time to chat :)
  16. Jasv

    Jasv Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. Everyone treats me like crap even when I'm obviously trying to be nice. Even though I'm still depressed, I do know it's everyone else who's wrong. The thing is this world is shit. Everyone pretends to be someone that their not. They want, but they don't know how to give. After all these years of abuse, you do tend to hate yourself. Blame yourself. Feel out of place, because I sure as hell do. I feel alone and like no one cares. You know why? Because they don't. NO ONE actually cares. We're all going to die alone, while people are secretly glad, but you know what? Fuck them anyways. Fuck them all. Just scream it as loud as you possibly can, OR I also imagine beating and killing them all in my head.. probably a little weird, but it sure as hell makes me feel better lol
  17. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    I hope you don't feel like this often Lynn, you're amazing and genuinely the kindest person I've come across on here!
    You deserve to feel appreciated and loved like you are by all those you've helped on here (and that's a LOT of people!)
  18. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Have you ever had any type of therapy that specifically deals with relieving anxiety? The last bout of CBT I had was depression and anxiety focused, and it drastically reduced my anxiety. There are also types of mindfulness therapy as well. There are also some mindfulness techniques on the internet, and CD's you can buy that all help to reduce anxiety.
  19. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thank you all so much, really from the bottom of my heart. I had a bit of anxiety last night but it didn't last long thank goodness, I spoke with my G.P today, she is going to ask the psychiatrist can she put me on zyprexa PRN, I'm on steroids so think that's why she has to ask. She was very nice about it and let me talk. She said I also have the flu, that is why I originally went to the doc cos painkillers weren't helping, she said it's definitely the flu and to rest for about 5 days and gave anti-biotics. (despite getting the flu vaccine 3 weeks ago).

    Lexi- you are such a good friend to me. I do use a relaxation CD that came with a book called (when panic attacks). It is by far the best relaxation cd I have ever had. I am feeling good right now and as for the therapy I am giving that a break as the doctor has recommended reflexology, so I am going to try that and hopefully will get the zyprexa added.

    To me most importantly I have made arrangements to see a friend(well I don't know her that well but a great friend of the family) gonna go to her house tomorrow evening-see I have to push myself no matter how low I'm feeling and I am determined I will have a good time, go me!!!

    Life is for living :)