I really can't. When I sit and realize another day has passed with life not advancing for me I freak out to the point where I can't breath or do anything but cry. F*ck. I keep telling myself that I can get my life going. But here I am and with nothing to show for it. Is it really so wrong to want just a couple things. And I SWEAR if I hear "go out and make it happen" or "you just have to go out there and meet others" I will SCREAM! APPARENTLY IT DOESN'T WORK!! I've tried for 28 f*cking years thank you very much. It's gotten to the point I can't ask anyone for help because I can't stand the embarrassment that here I am and still unable to do anything. I'm just so lost. So lost and so tired. I just want to have a day where I can smile and see that I've done something meaningful for my life. I can't even put how I feel in words, what I've written just sounds so pathetic and yet when I try to say how it feels deep in my soul nothing comes out right. It's just a pain that has been etched for too long that I don't ever see it getting better. Sometimes I wonder how it feels to be really happy. How it feels to not have to pretend happiness but to actually feel it. And then I wonder if I'm meant to just live this life because I don't remember what true happiness really feels like.