can't stand it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DatAlgorithm, Jan 23, 2015.

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  1. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    I think literally everything in this whole entire world can go fuck itself. Why even bother waking up in the morning when literally all I ever face is rejection and failure and disappointment? Literally, there is no goodness anywhere anymore and our freedoms are shrinking little by little every single day. I hope this whole entire world is destroyed ASAP. I'm not even kidding; there is no punch-line. I want this whole entire fucking piece of shit planet DESTROYED INTO OBLIVION!
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I sometimes wake and upon waking I can feel the anxiety come on and come alive. I often wonder why bother? I think my point here is everyone's reasons are different and not all can be cured with simple messages, more is needed. Yesterday I made a request to go to CBT therapy in my city, I can't see how I will get rejected as it is private. I'm hoping it can change my life. Try and explore all avenues and resources before you give up. I have seen you in chat,, you seem like a lovely person who is suffering. I'm always around if you need someone to chat with.
     
  3. Dan99

    Dan99 Active Member

    Hello TehAnime,

    Thank you for posting your thoughts......

    Personally i feel rejection everyday........ in a way i see you as a comrade going through the same sh*t........... just know i am here for you. Message me anytime if you need to discuss stuff.

    Sincerely,
    Dan
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you only see in black and white not everyone in the world is cruel there are people who do take time to care to listen glad you areposting here you will see not all the world needs to be eliminated
     
  5. gsp

    gsp Member

    Hey TehAnime, I know what you're talking about. I've thought the exact same thoughts you posted. I never posted them, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. I don't know if it helps, but I'm just letting you know you're definitely not alone.
     
  6. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    I hate to break it to you... but it IS black and white. The only reason we don't believe it so is because we are conditioned from extremely young ages to believe a bunch of subjective underdog fairy-tales (religion, anyone) that the "one in a million" crap might actually happen to them. Sorry, the world is a cold, mechanistic, evil place... just 'cause there are a couple kind people out there does NOT negate the rest of them. Some people will have the greatest things in life and struggle least... others (like me) will just be failures at everything they do no matter how hard they try; it's unfair, it's cold, it's insane, but that's LIFE. I KNOW the best option is suicide, and probably the only option short of lobotomy. ANYONE who wants me to keep living on is TRULY evil; it's like when I stopped playing guitar when I burnt out... when I was serious about it and aimed on going pro, people really only talked shit about my playing no matter what... too fast, too slow, too simplistic, too complicated, too repetitive, too emotionless, whatever... but when I burnt out and suddenly I HATED playing (literally, I HATE playing guitar now,) THEN people were bitching at me for doing that. It's the same with suicidal people; everyone talks SO MUCH SHIT about someone whose suffering and suicidal and triggered, but if said person kills themselves, then they turn into PUNK ASS BITCHES OF THE WORST MARK-ASS VARIETY and alluvasudden they were "amazing" and "invaluable" and "irreplaceable." Human nature for you; we're all eventually selfish anyways. Thus, anyone who wants me to live on is MY SWORN ENEMY!!!

    They can go ahead and delete this post or these morally hypocritical Jesus-freaks can go ahead and tear me to shreds... I don't give a shit anymore... I already know what I'm gonna do, and I'm planning on doing my bucket list soon... my only hope is I die with some dignity instead of living on begging for some subjective bullshit that never happens.

    "It's better to burn out than to fade away." - Neil Young
     
  7. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    You have a bucket list? That's cool, you have a few things to live for before you are done. Enjoy them. They might open other doors.
     
  8. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    I am not black or white. I cannot even remember a time when I thought I or the world was. For something as simple as eating when I go shopping I need to decide on one steak or three chickens. When i want to ride I need to decide between my idiotic spaced out not caring where her feet are mare or the mare that will take care of herself go slow and make me work to get her to move. I decided being alone was hell and was thinking about the few good times with my ex and tried to talk to him, he said some terrible things and refuses to talk now. All people can respond in a good way or a bad way or a neutral way to everything. Like my ex who at one time would respond to me in a positive way we can change how we respond.
    I hate where life has taken me right now. I lost almost all my possessions and my house and am living in a camper. I can't work. I hurt. It takes a major act of will to get out of bed. I wanted to give in to the unrelenting pain. Reading posts here has helped. Reaching out and having the people on this site not turn away has helped.

    I hope you keep trying to some good in people. Don't let the bad outweight the good.
     
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