Can't stand living again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kath123, Apr 24, 2011.

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  1. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    Just can't stand it. My life is so not worth living. I don't want any of this. I don't know how to get through the day and I don't want to get through the day. I just want out.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hi kath, sorry you're feeling this way. what makes you think your lifes not worth living? :arms:
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you feel that way...maybe sharing with us what is going on will make it more tolerable...we are here to listen... J
     
  4. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Well that's not good! ;) What you've got to do is find out why you're feeling this way, then change that, and then become a happy, energetic, active person! :) Easier said than done? Hmmmmm, I dunno. :mellow: Depends on what your issues are, I guess. Why don't you tell us about them. Maybe we can give you some advice on how to change what's troubling you. :laugh:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2011
  5. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    My life really isn't worth living. I mean seriously. I'm one of the people who should die. I'm a 40 year old loser. I live with my parents. I have no friends. I'm terrible at my job, and I hate it. I wake up every day just wishing I were dead. I don't even really want friends or a better job, I don't want to do anything except die. I don't look forward to anything, and I don't enjoy anything. And I'm a selfish, ugly, unpleasant person.

    I've been in therapy, and my therapist is very kind to me but all that happens is I see all the reasons my life is horrible, and I try to change things, but nothing changes the fact that I can't stand living.

    Which begs the question - why the hell am I still here? It's simple and stupid. My parents would be upset if I died. Even more if I killed myself. I don't know how my mother would get through. I tried to kill myself when I was 20, and didn't think of that, and wish to God I had died then.

    But every day is just awful. I want a terminal illness to take it out of my hands, so I don't have to feel guilty.

    I tell myself every day to keep on keeping on, and I do for what it's worth, but it is SO LONELY to feel like one of the dead and be among the living.
     
  6. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    If you could to it all over again what would you do differently?

    Do it all over again in the sense that you could live your life a second time from the start.
     
  7. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    That's a serious question, btw.
     
  8. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Except making sure you really died at 20.
     
  9. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    Serious answer. I'd have read up on what pills actually kill you when I was 20. There was no internets back then, but I could have looked it up in a library.
     
  10. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    lol You answered before my latest post came in. Let's say killing yourself at 20 wasn't an option... I mean do you feel you could have prevented any misery by making other decisions?
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Try and stay positive, find things to look forward to, try and make some friends. They say, life is what you make it, only you can change it. :)
     
  12. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    Oh, well if that's not an option. Regrets? I've had a few. To say the least. Sure I could have prevented lots of misery if I'd done this or that. All of it, maybe. But most of where I am isn't a single bad choice, it's a consistent pattern that is who I am, what I keep doing, stupidities I can't shake even at 40.

    I have tried to make changes over the years. I've gone from unemployed to employed. I volunteer. I try to change my attitude, be more responsive to people. Be less of a bitch. Confront my anxieties. And I have changed. But it's too late for any of that to make a dent.

    And honestly? I so am what I am. The reason my first choice would be killing myself at 20 is because I don't think my life could ever have been worth living. I just so am what I am.
     
  13. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    Thank you, but I can't do any of those things.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2011
  14. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I hope you find a way to become happier.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 25, 2011
  15. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    You're not telling me anything I don't know.
     
  16. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    If you knew, then it's still intriguing to me that you started this thread. ;) Why DID you start this thread anyway? I'm not attacking you, I'm just curious. Did you just want to vent?
     
  17. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    Are you just making sure that I know I should die? Making sure that my posting here isn't a red flag that I might want to live?
     
  18. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    lol! Exactly. ;)
     
  19. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I gotta go as I gotta get some sleep. So I'll just conclude by saying the following:

    LIVE!!!!

    I'll catch you later. :laugh:
     
  20. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    Sleep tight.
     
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