I can't fucking take it anymore! I absolutely loathe the person I've become..one who just barely functions, if you can call it that, simply because others expect me to do so. I am consistently irritated and angry, with absolutely no cause. I've gotten to the point that I'm barely able to complete simple tasks around the house that my partner has asked of me, let alone do anything productive. My day consists of attempting to persuade myself that I'm not better off dead, only because it would hurt my significant other, my siblings, and my parents. I am a complete and utter failure. At the age of 26 I have yet to accomplish anything I set out to. That includes a career as well as personal goals. I was discharged from the military due to mental health issues. That was the ONE thing I felt gave me purpose, a reason to live and it was taken away because I'm too much of a pussy to endure the hardships every soldier/sailor faces. I didn't give a fuck that I was 4,000 miles away from home shoveling snow most days, standing watch when all I wanted to do was sleep. It felt good, even though I was exhausted. Now I sit at home, locked away in my bedroom pretty much all day and all night. I can't even bring myself to interact with the other people living with us, let alone anyone outside of here. I find myself pathetic, with no motivation or willingness to change or get help. The reason, I believe, is because I know I deserve suffering. Oh well, I suppose that's enough ranting for one day. I don't expect any replies or sympathy/empathy but I appreciate the thoughts. You're all very kind people.