Can't stand myself!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by jms, Jan 27, 2014.

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  1. jms

    jms Banned Member

    I can't fucking take it anymore! I absolutely loathe the person I've become..one who just barely functions, if you can call it that, simply because others expect me to do so. I am consistently irritated and angry, with absolutely no cause. I've gotten to the point that I'm barely able to complete simple tasks around the house that my partner has asked of me, let alone do anything productive. My day consists of attempting to persuade myself that I'm not better off dead, only because it would hurt my significant other, my siblings, and my parents. I am a complete and utter failure. At the age of 26 I have yet to accomplish anything I set out to. That includes a career as well as personal goals. I was discharged from the military due to mental health issues. That was the ONE thing I felt gave me purpose, a reason to live and it was taken away because I'm too much of a pussy to endure the hardships every soldier/sailor faces. I didn't give a fuck that I was 4,000 miles away from home shoveling snow most days, standing watch when all I wanted to do was sleep. It felt good, even though I was exhausted. Now I sit at home, locked away in my bedroom pretty much all day and all night. I can't even bring myself to interact with the other people living with us, let alone anyone outside of here. I find myself pathetic, with no motivation or willingness to change or get help. The reason, I believe, is because I know I deserve suffering. Oh well, I suppose that's enough ranting for one day.

    I don't expect any replies or sympathy/empathy but I appreciate the thoughts. You're all very kind people.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    oh man i am sorry you are so deep in depression been there too dam it hurts No one deserves to be ill or sad hun like this no one not you or me Please please know that
    I do hope you reach out to your doctor ok just do it hell with being so low ok Just call your doc and get some meds or support you need to pull yourself out of the dark place ok

    You are a good person you are just ill right now andyou need and deserve help hugs
     
  3. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    you identify the family network you have and that you have no wish to cause hurt to them. thats positive. well done.

    what would you truly like to spend your time doing? working or relaxing or studying or..... how can you take some steps to get there?

    post again please
     
  4. jms

    jms Banned Member

    I appreciate your kind words, but I do deserve it. I'm 100% convinced I was meant to live a miserable life until I can no longer take it.

    I also don't havr a doctor and haven't for years, but it's pretty much impossible to get one here anyway. I recently relocated to a foreign state where I know nothing and no one. Just one more struggle to add to the ever-growing list.

    Anyway, thank you again.
     
  5. jms

    jms Banned Member

    I know that people care about me, though I'm not sure why. That's not the problem. The problem is that I'm slowly starting not to care about that...and it worries me a bit, but I imagine it's just another one of those things where I'm overreacting.

    I havr tried my damndest to get back to school and pursue my passion, which has lead to more hurdles. I get a little ways, then I'm knocked back so much further. I know everyone experiences that, but one can only get back up so many times, ya know?

    Anyway, I also.appreciate your response as well and I apologize for rambling on.
     
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