Can't stand that.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by so.overratedx, Jan 20, 2010.

  1. so.overratedx

    so.overratedx Active Member

    When someone judges you, because of something you have done/you do.
    My friend flipped on me, & started talking crap; because I have smoked weed TWICE.
    He acted as if I didn't know it was stupid, acted as if I depended on it, as if I was going to ruin my life. & Just gave me this huge lecture on how if I have 'electronics & a house' my life can't be all that bad. He just sat there, repeatedly bashing me, giving me shit for it.
    Honestly, I know everyone has problems.
    I know life isn't a piece of damn cake.
    I sympathize with others, I really do; but, I know that the problems are pretty fucked up all on their own. & He has no idea what I go through, or what I have gone through.
    & If everything else I've tried to relieve stress, & emotional depression; What's it to him if I get high once in awhile?
    It's not as if I do it alot, 'nor will I ever.
    'Nor will I ever go on any other street drug or anything; I know what that does to people too, I mean. He added how he saw a friend change & get way into it. Well, guess what? I grew up with two drug addicts for parents. [my mother does meth & god knows what else, & i'm not sure about what my dad does exactly.]
    My dad isn't so bad, but my mother is completely fucked.
    & everytime she says she's going to quit, she doesn't.
    I didn't say this, because it was stuff he added after I told him I just wanted to drop it & not talk about it anymore.
    Because, at that point I was crying. Yes , it was through IM.
    But, I was literally in tears because it actually made me think of how bad my life is. How much shit I go through & take.
    The few friends that know just SOME of what I go through , have even told me things such as 'I think I would've already killed myself in your place, I don't think I could handle it..' 'How do you do it? You're so strong.' etcetc.
    yes, I breakdown.
    Yes, I get depressed.
    Yes, sometimes I just want to fall off the face of the earth.
    & You know what, The VERYFEW times I will do weed or whatever, it relaxes me. Makes me forget about my worries , just for a little while. Yes, I understand it kills braincells & all that. Which is why I WON'T do it alot. Which is why, unlike my friend, I'm not sitting on my ass doing it every damn day as a way to escape. I know you can't escape from your problems, I'm not trying to. I just want a moment of peace & complete happiness. Is that so much to ask?
    Yes, I have happy moments.
    But, I'm talking about those moments; when NOTHING seems to be right.

    .. Maybe no one else does all this, or gets it.
    But, I just needed to rant, about how fucked up I thought it was of him to act. & then how he decided to apologize when I stopped talking.

  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Our friends are human too and they have fears and opinions. It can be real hard to believe the words they can say to us. It's even harder to check myself to see if what was said is true. Sometimes it is true and sometimes it is not. My mom use to say, "that's the way the cookie crumbles."