I don't really know why I'm writing this, I don't even want to give details about my life because I experienced enough with internet. I'm just so alone, I guess that's why I'm here. My life has never been normal but I thought it would be better when I'm older. But everything is even worse, it seems like it's becoming worse every single day. Not one single area of myself is without problems and nothing is like I'd want it to be. I am 18 years old and sitting at home day by day. But the worst is, I hate myself so much. It's already hard enough dealing with all the problems around you, why do I have to be so horrible then too? Enough is enough, I wish I could change my life but I have no idea where to start changing. I think it's too late for everything. I just wish I would wake up from this nightmare and be someone else. Yeah, I wish I'd just wake up. I trief to pull myself together so often, I always failed again. And nobody helps me and nobody here can help me because you don't even know how horrible I am. I don't know how to go on. I don't want to live as this version of myself anymore.