Cant stop catatrophising.

Dante

Git
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#1
Ive actually come a long way since joining SF, mainly due to SF, so thanks all, but one of the main issues which hasn't changed at all is my pessimism, which is probably because it predated my depression. I always expect things to fail, things I fixed to still be broken, plans to fall apart, people not to like me, and for the most part its fine, I just work under the assumption that I am wrong and don't get to disheartened if I am right and it all goes wrong because I expected it anyway, but the worst part of this is my catastrophising.

It started after my best friend just up and died one day, I got a phone call in the middle of the night from another friend letting me know, and that was it. Since then I have had trouble with imaging the worst case scenario when people up and vanish unexpectedly, and I cant shake the feeling that these worst case scenarios are true.

Dont pick up the phone for a while and I begin wondering if you are tired of me or I offended you, dont turn up ON TIME to an agreed meetup I begin imagining that have been attacked and could be bleeding out somewhere; a call ends unexpectedly and I dont get an answer when I call back and I fear you have dropped dead, just like my friend. I am good and dont hound the person to answer, but it will haunt me until I hear from them again. Its never the person's fault, its just my unreasonable paranoia, but each time my mind will begin making scenarios and running them through until it has reached the worst possible scenario and its always brutal, and I have to struggle to not believe it.
 

Tor

SF Supporter
#2
Hey Dante, it’s great to hear that you are doing better. Congrats on your progress - that is a huge deal!

I’m very sorry about the death of your friend. That cannot be an easy thing to be dealing with. It sounds like you have been through so much. You have come a long way, and can eventually get past this too.

Do you think it’s possible that anxiety contributes to this in some way? After bad things happen, it’s not uncommon to feel anxious or afraid of the unknown. I can relate to this heavily, and the same type of thoughts run through my head when I can’t reach someone, or when anticipating something. I often think I’m the problem, or that something bad has happened, but have to frequently remind myself that I’m over-thinking things. That doesn’t always work for me, though. I have, however, found it helpful to try to replace my pessimistic thoughts with optimistic ones, which is one thing that really benefited my progress.

It’s nice to not be alone, although I’m sorry you deal with this too.
 

Dante

Git
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Hey Dante, it’s great to hear that you are doing better. Congrats on your progress - that is a huge deal!

I’m very sorry about the death of your friend. That cannot be an easy thing to be dealing with. It sounds like you have been through so much. You have come a long way, and can eventually get past this too.

Do you think it’s possible that anxiety contributes to this in some way? After bad things happen, it’s not uncommon to feel anxious or afraid of the unknown. I can relate to this heavily, and the same type of thoughts run through my head when I can’t reach someone, or when anticipating something. I often think I’m the problem, or that something bad has happened, but have to frequently remind myself that I’m over-thinking things. That doesn’t always work for me, though. I have, however, found it helpful to try to replace my pessimistic thoughts with optimistic ones, which is one thing that really benefited my progress.

It’s nice to not be alone, although I’m sorry you deal with this too.
My friend died 12 years ago, it just opened up a new and horrible paranoia that never went away, and its bad enough that the last time it happened (today) I almost cried with relief when I did hear back. I know its just paranoia, but I cant BELIEVE it fully.
 

Soul flower

Well-Known Member
#4
I just work under the assumption that I am wrong and don't get to disheartened if I am right and it all goes wrong because I expected it anyway
*sigh I can so relate to this place though I have worked very hard to change it and am doing better .... and super glad to read you are doing better as well!

I now realize right/ wrong isn't so black and white .... and we are all colored by our own experiences, viewing this world through our limited 5 senses - so that rainbow area between black and white of right and wrong has more shades then we can even envision. We can actually be wrong and right at the same time too. Just depends on perspective. So only you know in your heart what is right for you.

Acknowledging that infinite perspectives exist - I still had trouble as I was so heavily programmed that I am broken.

If that type of circular thought appears - I actually ride it .... call it the "what if" game .. what if that person is mad at me and thats why they didn't call me back - what if I did something wrong - what if what if ... and I answer. Ok so people get mad i'm not perfect - if I did something wrong I can apologize and explain not my intention .... and then try to breathe deep and remind me I'm doing the best I can and will continue to make effort to do better. Sounds concise and easy - it's not for me. It takes great effort for me actually. I really was raised that the world is out to get me -

Now that I can back myself off myself ... I find it's nearly always about the other person and not me. Like my friend didn't call back on christmas day - or the day after ...... we shared christmas gifts and made plans for after the new years; what had I done wrong?

... the next call I got from her phone was one of her kids calling for their dad and asking me if I could help him; she was unconscious and dying in ICU. No more wondering why she hadn't called me back - that's why. It had nothing to do with me and then I can feel guilty for thinking - why did I think it was all about me.

That other person is doing their best as well, we likely all struggle more then we share - so take the lead - be you no matter who they choose to be. And if for whatever reason you screwed up - apologize, share intentions - do what you can but also realize that the mistake as you saw it, may have been the right answer in the long term .... we make the call with such limited info and lots of emotion. It may just be about them not us.
 

Holding my breath

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#5
Hi Dante, I think any major shock like that can so easily lead to the anxiety and then thoughts cascading like that. I am always on high alert for the next major incident, usually with my kids, and unfortunately have experienced one trauma after another it’s difficult not to allow my head to travel the same path each time, like you, when I don’t hear from them. It is very easy for the panic to set in and there is very little I seem to be able to do to stop it. Last time I couldn’t get hold of my daughter, three hours later, I was a crying wreck sitting in the car in a car park envisaging news articles about a missing student, never found again. She was ok, of course, her phone had run out of battery and she’d forgotten to charge it🤦‍♀️ So I do understand how easy it is for our thoughts to take control. Perhaps being aware of it And questioning it is the starting point. From there we can try to change the thought process. In dbt they suggest a technique called ‘check the facts’. It helps to check if your emotional response is in line with the facts about what you know. Might be worth looking up.
Anyway, just want to say that I understand and I also think that after such a terrible trauma it is perfectly natural to respond that way. *hug Xx
 

Tor

SF Supporter
#6
My friend died 12 years ago, it just opened up a new and horrible paranoia that never went away, and its bad enough that the last time it happened (today) I almost cried with relief when I did hear back. I know its just paranoia, but I cant BELIEVE it fully.
That has to be difficult, and you have been enduring it for a long time. Paranoia can be exhausting
 

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