Talked to a GP today. They were nice. Tried to offer to put me back in touch with the mental health resource centre. I basically had to go over so many reasons why that wouldn't be such a good idea. I tried to be diplomatic and say that their approach isn't a good fit. What I really wanted to say was that my local centre is so completely useless, and worse than that, a bunch of judgemental, vindictive bullies, that I wouldn't turn to them if and when my life is on the line.
Don't get me wrong, I want them to help. I want to feel supported, but dear god, the only reason I survived the last time was by walking away from that toxic bs.
I need help so so badly. I wish so very much that they weren't the way they are. I really really really need the help. But I've struggled to try and find support from them for the best part of 20 years. It's just not a viable option.
I tried calling Samaritans. I know it can be hit or miss whether you get someone you can really talk to, but it's hard when they say that they can't help you because your issues are to do with mental health, and they're not trained professionals. It's not like I was phoning for therapy. I just wanted to talk, you know? I just wanted to say I'm really really messed up and this is why. And tell someone that I really really can't cope anymore. I know that I got unlucky. Samaritans are fantastic on the whole, but it took me about 2 months to work up the nerve to even call.
I've been in floods of tears since then. I can't stop crying. Every time I think the wave is over, another starts up. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be unhelpable anymore. I don't want to be failed by services because my mental health issues are the wrong kind. I don't want to be this square peg in a round hole anymore.
If there was anyone to call, I would call them. But options are non existent now.
Don't get me wrong, I want them to help. I want to feel supported, but dear god, the only reason I survived the last time was by walking away from that toxic bs.
I need help so so badly. I wish so very much that they weren't the way they are. I really really really need the help. But I've struggled to try and find support from them for the best part of 20 years. It's just not a viable option.
I tried calling Samaritans. I know it can be hit or miss whether you get someone you can really talk to, but it's hard when they say that they can't help you because your issues are to do with mental health, and they're not trained professionals. It's not like I was phoning for therapy. I just wanted to talk, you know? I just wanted to say I'm really really messed up and this is why. And tell someone that I really really can't cope anymore. I know that I got unlucky. Samaritans are fantastic on the whole, but it took me about 2 months to work up the nerve to even call.
I've been in floods of tears since then. I can't stop crying. Every time I think the wave is over, another starts up. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be unhelpable anymore. I don't want to be failed by services because my mental health issues are the wrong kind. I don't want to be this square peg in a round hole anymore.
If there was anyone to call, I would call them. But options are non existent now.