although never having talked to a doctor, i have felt so depressed in the past and i dont believe i have ever truely recovered and once again im having a down day. However what i am noticing more and more are my bouts of paranoia. I have never had a smooth ride when it comes to love and romance and this girl i met in august this year, i thought might be different...until she dropped me out of nowhere..leaving me wondering what id done wrong this time...why does it always seem to end like this...? it was related to too much college work and her part time job..and not being able to get enough time to see me.. One week later and we wer back together - (her idea)...i had no idea what she meant when she said it would be tough but thats exactly what its proving to be...long weeks and sometimes 2 weeks without seeing her..its slow getting replies from her texts at times and i duno... then last night we where at comedy gig for my birthday (at her work) and she starts talking about this guy she works with and how he is a model at some shop and how she wants to go down there?!?! and apply and all this...hardly inspiring and what i want to hear...She talks about a few guys from time to time and i cant help but feel jealous and paranoid..(even though she got back with me) i just feel its problems from the past with relationships/trust/the fact she broke up with me, out of the blue and now im constantly worried..i duno there are just so many things running through my head. Add to all this, the fact at times im working 7days a week and sometimes 12 hour shifts... And the fact my mother is dying and i just dont have time to do any research for her or help her in any way, infact i dont even the time to attend hospital appointments with her...really i dont even have the time of day to think...i feel like im going mad..its just awful. i really like this girl aswell and i just dont want to overreact when i know i am being paranoid to a degree (she could make a little more effort) but i just dont want to do anything rash..i am almost at the point whereby im nearly scared to say anything, as i dont know if it will drive her away, after she randomly ended things before. Anybody any advice as this is not the first time ive felt like this, down, depressed, weak (mentally) with thoughts of dying.exhausted mentally i just feel rotten.