Cant stop planning

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by pachrissy, Jul 16, 2010.

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  1. pachrissy

    pachrissy Well-Known Member

    I cant stop thinking about suicide. Now my thinking has gone further. I have a plan and im not being upfront with my therapist. I cant tell my therapist how far the thoughts really go without being admitted and i dont want to be. The hurt is sooo deep. There is no way to get rid of it. Death would be a relief. I feel so alone and isolated.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi I noticed you are rather new and when i came here I felt terribly lonely I don't feel so alone at all as I have made many friends here, although not in real life just yet the bonds here have definitely helped ease the pains of loneliness so please do as you have done and post so we can reach out to you.

    I understand not telling the therapist but wonder if that is the right thing. See I have a date but that is more just a way to feel in control and I told my doc this so maybe that is what you are doing? Having a plan that says "I don't have to take this crap" is comforting as lets face it living is a choice.

    That being said I hope we hear can help you make the choice to live and to hang in there. It seems so easy to say but it gets easier and we learn to cope and we lean on each other here when it gets bad so please realize a mountain of hope just came into your life when you joined.

    I am around if you need to talk but I understand how you feel and think posting as you have done does wonders for one's feelings and getting back on track.

    Hope to get to know you better, Bambi
  3. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Hi there.

    I think the first thing you need to try and do is to be totally honest with your therapist and maybe they can help you properly. Its kinda hard for a therapist to do their job properly when they dont know the full picture. I guess they are used to it because you need to trust them first before you can talk to them.

    Planning is fine, plan all you want, its when you put it into action is when you start having problems. How long have you been feeling like this for?
  4. pachrissy

    pachrissy Well-Known Member

    Not only have i been planning but i also practiced it. And came up with a back up plan . Ive been in and out of hospitals for the last year. Up till now i have been totally honest with my therapist. Just today i didnt tell him how far the thoughts are going. Im scared to go back to the hospital.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Why are you afraid to go back to the hospital? It can be a place of rest I have found. It has been a long time mind you since I have been but I found I didn't have to pretend at all there and that is so fucking tiring.
    Has anything set this recent bout off? Or something triggering for you today? Sometimes it helps to look inside and see what may have really got the mind thinking about suicide and explore those thoughts. We are here for you.
  6. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    No-one likes being in hospital, but sometimes to keep us safe its the best place for us.

    Myabe you need to talk to your therapist again and try and explain precisely whats been happening, without holding anything back
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    There is a way for healing, and that is compassion, forgivness, and strong spiritual connection. For me it is Yahweh, but that is me. You have a great support system here of people, and that is great. Now would be a great time to discover and search out the other don't you think? Your soul doesn't have to be in pain, or lonely. :hug: hang in there! Blessings...
  8. pachrissy

    pachrissy Well-Known Member

    There is no hope. Im in a ditch with a ladder that has no bottom rungs. Its just atease. My only hope is my back door. The exit stage left so to speak. No one really understands. But there is a flaw in my plan. I might be too much of a wimp. So i planned to get the cops involved. Have them assist if you know what i mean.
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi pachrissy. Please don't go through with your suicide plan or your backup plan that involves having the cops 'assist' you. It sounds like you're planning a 'suicide by cop', which is a really bad idea, because cops are trained to use deadly force if they think that you are armed and dangerous. Please, get help with your problems. Be open and honest with your therapist. Tell him that you're planning to commit suicide. :hug:
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Don't use someone else as your hitman. It's not like it would do you any good, anyway
  11. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    You need to be honest with your therapist. Don't hide anything, let it all out. How can someone help you with the ending if they don't know the whole story to begin with? Yes, you may not like being in the hospital, but you need help.

    Stay in contact with these people here.

    Please, don't put an officer of the law through that. You think shooting someone is just part of their job? Great guilt comes from doing so. I have a couple of family members and a few friends that are in law enforcement. If you saw what happens to them when an occurrence like that happens, you'd think twice. They are people, they do have a conscience.
  12. pachrissy

    pachrissy Well-Known Member

    of course it would be good. they are trained in deadly force. the outcome is what i would want. my therapist had surgery and i havent seen him in a week with another week to go. h is doing check i phone calls. it doesnt really help anything. i dont know if i can hang on another husband doesnt want to talk about it. so i feel alll alone, isolated.
  13. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    The police officer would likely face inquiries as a result of your choice, as well.

    Just because someone is trained to do something does not mean that they will not be harmed by it. I don't think that suicide is an inherently selfish act, but I cannot condone what you are contemplating. If you don't believe you could do it yourself, I think you need to examine the reason why: You don't want to die.
  14. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Cops will shoot to kill if you give them a reason to. Please don't tempt them. Talk to us and get help with what you're going through pachrissy. We're here to help. :hug:
  15. pachrissy

    pachrissy Well-Known Member

    i really want to go quietly. its suppose to be quietly and by myself. but i need a back door. i need to think of all only here because my husband needs a ride. he doesn have his license and my daughter is in mexico.she comes home on the 25th. there everthing is in order.
  16. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Well that gives us all some time to support you and showing you there is another way right? Please allow us into your heart.
    I don't know if you noticed but yesterday and earlier today I was posting about being suicidal again and I was really scared...well I did some soul searching and found out was eating me and faced my mistake, that and the support of a an old friend that PM'ed me to talk with me.
    The point I am making is things can shift...they really can. Hell I just went out and bought a shot gun and not wonder what the hell I am gonna do with it as I have "come to my senses" so to speak. There is something "crazy" and unnatural about wanting to kill yourself ya know, or at least believe you know.

    As far as the old "suicide by cop" please don't do that to some officer who must live with your death forever in his mind....we can't make you stay and stop you from hurting yourself but please don't take others out with you.

    Like I said we ahve time to help you so please allow us into your heart and into your life..we understand and we really care....after all who better to support you than those that suffer the same exact pains as you..and who better to comfort you than us sad souls that can feel your pain all to well.

    Please stay with us, keep posting and get the crap out of your head=it helps and we are here for you 24/7...

    :arms: Bambi
  17. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    PLEASE dont hurt yourself or involve oithers to. Im praying that the pain fades and you will stay here with us and be loved and be our friend.
  18. pachrissy

    pachrissy Well-Known Member

    my planning is done. my back door is unlocked and ready. i almost feel a weight is being lifted.
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please get help Chrissy and forget about those suicide plans. :hug:
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