I'm so tired of being alone. All my life I've been alone so really I should be used to it. I should be really but it still hurts. I hate sitting alone every day I'm off from work. Hate lying about my life to my co-workers cuz really its no good to say 'Ah yeah I have no friends. My family doesn't talk to me so my cousins never want to do anything with me. So you know I just sat at home and stared at the tv and computer.' I hate people saying "Go out and do something. Meet people." How do I go out and do stuff? I hate going out to places alone. I even hate clothes shopping alone. It's boring as hell to go out alone. You can't have fun talking with someone, you can't laugh over stuff that you see that's funny. I'm shy as h*ll so I can't just jump up to a random person and talk to them. Every night I cry cuz I act so happy while around others only to come back home to my two cats and no one else. I hate coming home to an empty house. To look at my cell phone and have no calls- except telemarketers- and hardly no texts. I don't know...I think most of this stems from one of my 2 friends who is talking about moving to town. Then she says she's not sure. I want so badly to just tell her to come, tell her I don't care about her feelings of if the move is right. I just need her here just so I'm not alone. But I know I'll never tell her that. I rather be alone then to hurt her. And part of me knows I will be. I know that I will always be alone. I can only hope not for too much longer.