As time goes on, the more I think about it, and the more serious I become about doing it. The more I get into therapy, the more I learn about the world, the more I realise that my efforts at normality are futile. I don't want to live if I just have to "cope" and learn to deal with my illness the best I can. It is not living, it is merely existing. I don't want to just exist. I think about it more and more every day and I am certain that one day I will just decide enough is enough. I don't know when that day will be yet, but it will come.