cant stop!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meagainstme, Dec 24, 2006.

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  1. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    arghhhh suicide is stuck in my mind and it wont go away!!

    different methods keep going over and over and over in my mind.

    i was reading this website about suicide methods and it gave great detail. and i couldnt stop looking at it!

    im not usually suicidal and i dont know how to handle these thoughts.


    there is only one thing stopping me from doing it. which is also a scary thought.

    argh i hate myself.
     
  2. live

    live Antiquitie's Friend

    Hey,
    For the time being, please hang in there. It can be difficult to deal with such intense and violent thoughts, since they are often painful in themselves. The fact that you have just recently started having them shows that you still have some perspective; that is, life didn't always feel like this and there's a good chance it won't always feel like this. Still, it can be hard to see past your current situation and mindset. I personally, have had help from a therapist and from talking to friends (including the ones here). It may help you to open up to someone, I don't know.
    This is a pretty emotionally intense time of year for a lot of people, so it may be that the holidays are having some kind of impact on you. If so, at least you know that they'll be over before long.
    Take heart, you're not alone.
     
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dear Trapped;

    I know what you're feeling - I keep fantasizing my own demise, which is frustrating cause I CAN'T DO IT. I made a promise that I wouldn't, which I really regret now, but wont' go back on, cause no matter how big a loser I am, I won't go back on my word - a loser with Integrity!:dry:

    It could well be the holidays too. I hate Christmas, tho a few weeks ago I was eager for it, trimming the tree and the whole ball of wax...:dry: now I just wish I'd have a terrible 'accident' that couldn't be blamed on me... I'm just taking it one minute at a time, cause anything else is too long to measure. I keep coming here cause I've nowhere else to go, but the best thing about sf is I know I have friends here who like me even when I hate myself. So I've something good in my life even if everything else is shit.

    least
     
  4. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    I am glad you are wanting help or atleast sharing this with us. What is the reason that you are staying alive? It must be pretty important to hold you back.
     
  5. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    thankyou for all your replies.

    the only thing keeping me here is my girlfriend. she is absolutely amazing.

    my mind is on overdrive right now. as these thoughts are constantly in my head, and i know i would do it if my gf wasnt here. and it just feels like a yoyo inside me saying ''yes'' or ''no''


    bloody annoying.


    but. merry christmas everyone *groan*
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Hang in there trapped. I am glad you came here and are willing to reach out for help. It is no fun when our mind does this too us. Get past the thoughts and eventually things seem to change a bit. It is good you have a reason to hold on. :hug:
     
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