Okay I'm sitting here in front of my goddamn laptop and my right arm is bleeding, just stopped cutting it for like an hour with a broken razor. It's all gummy and disgusting and some of them are practically pumping blood but it's not enough. When I first started one or two cuts made me feel better but now I'm pretty much tearing the skin on my arms and thighs to strips to feel even halfway better and I can't fucking stop and if I do I'll be okay for like an hour then the skin will itch and tingle and I'll need to cut it again and again until I'm back to square one. Just wanna keep going until I can't bleed anymore and go to sleep and I know it's a slow death unless you get a massive artery like the jugular but I really don't care, I just want to let go now. I hate this, I hate all of it and it's too fucking much to deal with any more and nobody's gonna come and help me cos either they don't know or they don't care - or even they don't realise cos I keep smiling in public and I don't like people seeing me down so they don't know and don't understand. I can't trust anyone and I can't stop, and I know I need to but I can't and won't. It's too fucking late now.