Hi guys, I'm 20 and on the surface dont have alot to be down about. I first cut myself when i was about 13, its been on and off since then but over the past year its become a regular way of dealing with things. I xxxxx i aquired from work. My boyfriend knows and has threatened to tell my mom many times. I don't think he ever will though. At the beginning of the year my mom was diagnosed with hep c, she is 50% to liver faliure and it turned out my sisters and i were at risk (apparently a real small one) of having contracted it while she was pregnant. We all got tested and it turned out i was free from the virus but my 2 sisters did have it. Now they are all waiting to have liver biopsy's and commence 12 months of chemo each. I know im not ill myself, but im filled with dread when i think of the 12 months we have ahead of us. How am i going to look after them when i dont even want to live myself? I have no one to talk to, my boyfriend just says 'it will be ok' and theres no way i can seek support from my mom or sisters. My dads a serial cheat and left us when i was 4 and continues to swan in and out of our lives at his leisure. I'm failing uni as i cant concentrate and my relationships spiraling into a rut of arguments. Ive cut myself off from my friends as i cant listen to their petty clothing or hair problems when im contemplating suicide but too chicken to do it because i dont want to make things harder for my mom and sisters. I know ive clearly go a problem but i cant bear the thought of going to my doctor. I feel like people will just think im attention seeking if i try to get help. All i do is day dream about how id kill myself and when im going to do it etc etc, and when im not doing that, im the definition of happiness. I cant control my mood im up and down and totally unpredictable. I dont know what to do or how to handle my own thoughts. Sorry to ramble, but does anyone else feel like this and have you sought help? Thanks.