I've taken to staring at my chosen means to the end every night now. I know part of me wants to live, a big part, because i'm here right now and I was begging my bf not to leave today. I was so scared of him leaving...I can't take it anymore. No more dependence. No more crying for hours for nothing. No more sucking at everything I do. I can't do a damn thing right anymore. Sorry to post in here so often. Stupid stupid reasons I know. I can't get out of this place I'm in. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I'm yelling at everyone now. Chat here makes me angry too, now. Probably lost another one. I'm a failure at everything.