can't take it any more

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Dec 10, 2012.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    watching family decorate the tree - i put up the lights - twice

    one of the cats jumped up into one of the ornament boxes to check things out and my wife got angry shouting and slamming her hands down on the chair - all the cats jumped, one of them freaking and running up my daughter's leg leaving claw marks in his desperation to get away - not even the cat in the box

    then she decides that she doesn't want the cats in her life any more (her phrasing) and says we are going to get rid of all the cats - and i said no - so she made it an ultimatum - her or the cats

    guess which one i picked

    she's locked herself in the bedroom - i won't sleep in the same bed even if she unlocks the door

    everything falls apart, doesn't it?

    every aspect of my life is crumbling

    this is what it all comes down to

    not sure where i will be able to find the money for my daughter's last semester of college

    found out yesterday that my wife hasn't paid the electric bill in 3 months

    lost at work - lost in life

    i don't want to do this any more

    it hurts so fucking much

    i don't know how to make it stop

    not completely true - i do know one way
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun i hope she calms down some this time year can be so dam stressful hugs to you
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    You have a daughter, therefore your "way" is not possible.

    Let your daughter finish college at a slower rate. Have her get a job to pitch in. All is not lost, it just requires more planning and possibly a different pace.
  4. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    can you tell her to get along with the cats? they are good friends.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm glad you stood your ground about getting rid of the cats.

    I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain. Just know I care, and I'm here if you need anything.
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    I literally cannot find the words to say how I feel right now - it's too intense, too raw
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I completely agree with Wildcherry, and am so sorry for what you go through...but please know that there are good and kind people and that you deserve to be in their company
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    We'll be here to listen whenever those words are ready. People care... and that isn't going to change.
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    deserve? what do i desesrve?

    failure as a husband - failure as a parent - no friends

    grabbed my kit on the way to work - been months since i carried it but "be prepared" right?

    that's what i deserve
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    No, that isn't what you deserve at all.

    From things you've said, it's obvious to me you haven't failed as a husband. You're the one who's been let down. And you haven't failed as a father.

    There are those of us who care and will be your friends, but you have to reach out and let us in. And I know that's not easy... you've been hurt, hurt more than I can begin to imagine. But not everyone will hurt you or let you down. But again, I know it's not easy to trust anyone.
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    going insane

    trying to work but can't focus and constantly on the edge of a complete breakdown

    afraid to think ahead - every time i try it's so dark - don't want to face that future but i have no other
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have not failed hun you have not done what my father did you stayed and you are doing all that is possible to help your daughter
    I like the idea of your daughter actually getting a job and pay some of her own way hun
  13. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    she already is - teaching cpr and handing out parking tickets at school to cover her meals - been working summers to save for books, gas, insurance - already getting school loans - saving money by living off-campus

    so close to done and i don't think i can get her there - that's my fucking job

    they're all over 21 but i couldn't even get everyone ready for life on their own - my son is 21, has aspberger's, can't get a job, couldn't get through vocational school - can't even talk to him sometimes - breaks my heart when i look at him sometimes because i know i failed him
  14. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you did not fail him.
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Jxdama is right, you didn't fail him!
  16. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Hey, I apologise for replying so late, but I can relate to you about feeling alone during this festive season, as you watch family and friends around you hang up their decorations in preperation to celebrate the holidays, and sure enough cats can be a handful at the best of times (I have four myself) well, one cat, Millie, that actually lives with me, but I am over at my mum's house so often looking her (she has poor health) that the three cats she has there are, in a way, my cats as well) but cats are a curious lot, where every sparkly object (such as tinsel or even a feather)can set them off and it is fun to watch them attack things (read play) they have not seen before or see only once a year) but there is such a thing as moderation. Each time they do something that they (the owner) do not like or want them doing, then should be scolded by a light tap on the head followed by a resounding "No!" much like when a cat pisses or shits on the floor inside the house - you rub their noses and faces into it so that it is an experience they will not do that again) . Sure, it sounds mean, but but that is just a learning process for animals on what they can and cannot get away with.

    While I do not know your mum at all, to get rid of cats just because they misbehave is downright cruel in my own opinion to your own mum) and I am glad that you stood your ground about telling her that you will not get rid of them! Like I said, cats just need a bit of training, as well as a lot more patience tan a dog does, because unlike dogs, which are the result of 15,000 odd years of Human intervention to produce the modern-day World of domesticated dogs, cats have been in the World without any form of manipulation of Humans (which also goes to explain why they do not have the instincts as dogs when it comes to being able to train them as you do a dog.
    When a cat misbehaves, it is fine to et angry and punish it (in a human way by not torturing it or expect them to do exact the same things as dogs) but when they continue to repeat the mistakes they do around the house, it is a good idea to try and break and their habit and teach them that it is not tolerable in your house for them to do something.

    A little patience and a guiding hand is all that is needed were cats are concerned (this coming from someone who grew up my entire life with cats) and while it will not not happen over night, cats have the astonishing ability to learn after their scolding that something is not allowed and will break free from doing it.
  17. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    her reaction was not about the cats' behavior per se - more about how everything in her world was not to her liking - and she reacts by yelling and banging things which may or may not work on the cat in question but always seems to work with the cat who is sitting on my chest - i have the scratches to prove it - and i get no acknowledgement or apology - i don't enter into the equation

    couldn't get those thoughts out of my head all day yesterday and it almost broke me completely - the whole trip home i kept planning - didn't care who would find me - then when i got home her car was in the driveway - she changed her mind - not because she realized she overreacted but because her sister's place is tiny and she wouldn't be comfortable - then she went on accting like last night never happened

    how do i keep going after this? father died when he was 54 - almost 55

    that will be me by this time next year - i need her to finish college so i can be done and leave before i can make anything else worse
  18. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    lets hope you live to 80
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