NO not at all. You sound like your in alot of pain and sadness. You have to try to get into some kind of program that help you to interact. Find a hobby you like be it painting sports whatever and sign up for it. Painting lessons is an individual thing but you are there with others. You are 17 join a youth group at a church in your area they get to go out alot. The only way to get over social anxiety is to get out more get therapy to help you be more assertive. I am glad you reached out here this is a start okay. Keep posting people care and you can make friends online this way.