Cant take it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cs10228, Oct 29, 2010.

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  1. Cs10228

    Cs10228 New Member

    So i have been living this way for so long and im sick of it. I have no job am 24 and live by my parents house. The reason why I have no job is because I have a deathly of being out in public. I stay in my room and sleep, eat or stay on this stupid fuckin computer. I hate my skin. I look ugly as shit. No girl ever looks at me. I have a bad ADD problem and on top of that im bipolar. When I said i have bad skin i mean i have acne scars on my upper back that leaves me even more anxiety. I want to go to the beach and surf and have fun and enjoy life but i cant. I know thats a lame excuse but I just want a way out and the only way out seems suicide. I tried ODin on pills a few years ago but got sent to the hospital where they pumped my stomach and the doctors made me feel like shit (cant blame them though). I am in big time debt because i dont work anymore. I just dont even have the strength to call my bill collectors and talk about helping delaying my bills. I broke everything i have thats of mine. A few minutes ago I broke my newish falt screen by punching it. That was the last thing of my possession that i owned that wasnt fucked up. So now I only have a bed (for now at least). I just want to call it quits and sleep the rest of my life and ignore life. I have no more friends because i dont want to get close to anyone. Im losing my hair from a big bout of depression last year (yes it was worse). I got help during that time from a man that fell asleep during the sessions. I walked out when he fell asleep one day and never went back. The one woman who was helping me a little bit i didnt tell the whole truth too. I have no way of numbing the pain. I dont do drugs and dont drink alchol. I mean i doubt anybody would take the time to read this because im rambling about stupid shit. I just want to wake up in a different body or not wake up at all. I was raised a christian but honestly dont care if I go to hell or not. Ill burn to get out of this life. My parents are sick of my shit and just want me out the house. I had thoughts of just hiking across the country and live off the land like the kid from the book "Into the wild". Life never use to be like this but it is now and I want out.
     
  2. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I've read your thread from start to finish and really feel your pain. I don't drink unless I'm making the rare appearance out with friends and I don't smoke or do drugs so life is pretty boring. I'm doing a tiny part time college course at the moment and apart from that I'm stuck in my bedroom often for weeks at a time. My only real sense of freedom is when I go to the football (soccer) with my brother to watch our local side play at home. I'm fed up of looking at the same four walls every day and I can't bring myself to watch the same TV shows I've watched like four times over already. I've combated the problem by asking my mum to buy me cheap books from her shopping trips to give me another outlet in life. Music is my main escapism but I've had a serious addiction to Coca-Cola for the last 8 years as it helps lift my mood for when friends don't visit or ring me. I heard that eating raw onions prevent bad acne and thankfully I've never suffered from any problems since. Don't listen to parents, they make it their life to bring us down into the gutter. Keep the faith. PM if you want mate.
     
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