I am at the end of my rope here. Being drivin crazy. I am having a hard time fighting my urges. I know that i am worthless I know that i am a burden I cant see the reason anymore. When i look at my dad all i see in his eyes is dissapointment. He hardly responds to me anymore. If i say hi he just grunts at me. If i try and talk to him he gives me one word responses. I am treated like dirt in this house. They tell me that i absolutly nothing in this house and they spend so much money providing for me. They say that they give me nothing but respect and that i show them none. But i get no respect from them. I have no say in anything in this house not even a suggestion. I get angry very easy but i cannot vent it out in anyway so i just keep it all inside. I was doing so well for a long time now but things have been getting worse. I have no motivation. I have been unemployed for over two years. I know i should get a job. I know that i should be applying everywhere i can. but i dont. i cannot seem to make myself do these things. I tell myself that i will do it but i dont i try so hard to do it but i cant i just cant seem to let myself do it. I am bearly getting by in school but its so tiring just fighting myself every day to try and get my work done its so hard because i have to force myself i have to sit there for hours and force myself and its tiring. They have no idea how hard it is to just do simple things. they think i am lazy but i really do want to do things i just cant i just freeze up and cannot continue. It seems like the only thing left is to just let go of it all so that way i wont be a burden anymore so they can live easier and be happy.