Cant take it anymore

I am at the end of my rope here. Being drivin crazy. I am having a hard time fighting my urges. I know that i am worthless I know that i am a burden I cant see the reason anymore. When i look at my dad all i see in his eyes is dissapointment. He hardly responds to me anymore. If i say hi he just grunts at me. If i try and talk to him he gives me one word responses. I am treated like dirt in this house. They tell me that i absolutly nothing in this house and they spend so much money providing for me. They say that they give me nothing but respect and that i show them none. But i get no respect from them. I have no say in anything in this house not even a suggestion. I get angry very easy but i cannot vent it out in anyway so i just keep it all inside.
I was doing so well for a long time now but things have been getting worse. I have no motivation. I have been unemployed for over two years. I know i should get a job. I know that i should be applying everywhere i can. but i dont. i cannot seem to make myself do these things. I tell myself that i will do it but i dont i try so hard to do it but i cant i just cant seem to let myself do it. I am bearly getting by in school but its so tiring just fighting myself every day to try and get my work done its so hard because i have to force myself i have to sit there for hours and force myself and its tiring. They have no idea how hard it is to just do simple things. they think i am lazy but i really do want to do things i just cant i just freeze up and cannot continue. It seems like the only thing left is to just let go of it all so that way i wont be a burden anymore so they can live easier and be happy.

 

It is so hard your parents care they do they just don't understand how to help they are lost in their sadness for you They truly need to be educated about depression maybe get your doctor to talk to them Get your medication changed up a bit so you feel better different therapy might help Keep talking okay here so we can help if we can hugs to you

 

I know how lacking motivation can seem that you are lazy..It's not though.. Deep depression causes it..You need to see a pdoc.. And have him/her refer you to a therapist..You can beat this but it takes work on your part.. I have an appointment tomorrow and don't want to go.. But if I don't then I won't get my meds..Take it one step at a time.. Maybe write out a to do list and work on one problem at a time..

 

Reach out to professional for help. If you are suicidal you quite literally having nothing to loose for trying. School counselor, family DR or your local emergency room will get you help.

You write you are still in school and haven't worked in 2 years. Ever thought about joining the military? Not kidding. They give you (and your family) lots to be proud of. Not for everyone, but maybe worth considering.

 

You father sounds mean...please do not take to heart his abuse because it is clearly his problem, not yours...also, the apathy you are feeling might be caused by many reasons...have you spoken your doctor about this? I would hate for you to have something very treatable (e.g. thyroid problem) and not get the care you deserve...please think about this...J

 

I am not on any medication and i have not seen any doctors. The last time I tried that the doctors lied to me and didnt seem to care. If things go right this week I may have some sort of vacation from everything at home if my parents dont stop me from going and they just might.