Can't take it anymore.....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Conquest, Jul 17, 2011.

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  1. Conquest

    Conquest New Member

    I don't understand why people act the way they do towards me, what did I do? I'm 20, I got out the army when I was 19, and planned on using my G.I. bill to go to college or a trade school. Problem is, my G.I. bill money won't start coming in until the second month I'm in school, so I need to build up money to pay for my first months rent or housing. Now here's where the crap comes into play....

    First I go live with my cousin, things were okay because it was hard for me to find a job, then all of a sudden one day I wake my cousin up and he flips out on me just because I asked him a simple question. So we end up getting into a fistfight (he pushed me into a wall, then we fought) and his mom kicks ME out !

    After that I was living in my car for awhile because my parents absolutely refused to let me stay with them. Then all of a sudden my parents call me and tell me they want me to come home so I start my car up and drive to MD.

    At first, everything was fine, but, it seems my parents haven't changed in the 3 years I was in the Army. They want me to find a full-time job and work there the rest of my life, I told them no, I want to go to college because I don't wana work at some rinky dink job, even if it is government, the rest of my life, I wana be somebody I'm tired of being shit, got into a huge argument about that they wouldn't just take what I said and drop it. I mean, wtf? The job I have now pays good and I start acting school in January, why do a government job when ima end up quitting it anyway? The job I have now is well enough then I need as it is.

    The job I have pays alot and it's hard work, and my parents want me to give them all my money so they can manage it for me....like litlerly....GIVE THEM my money, I told them no I want to manage my own money I'm sorry, got into a huge argument about that they wouldn't just take what I said and drop it. Those 2 things alone made them hate my guts, now all they do is treat me like shit and they don't realize it.

    1. I go upstairs to get something to drink(soda) that I bought, and the yell at me, saying "Here we go again you in the kitchen again!...ridiculous....". EVERY TIME!!!!!!!!! The funny thing is, I bought plastic cups, so there's no mess or anything.....I go in, drink, throw away and walk out, and they bitch....pisses me off man....I said something today too, which I'll get into in a min....

    2. I can't even eat dinner with them now, not without them looking at me with disgrace, or them asking questions they already know the answer to just so they can start a argument, "Did you apply for any jobs today?". I say, "No I didn't, I have a job". Here we go again another argument, my dad "Man, when are you gonna do that right thing man?! It's a shame!". Then my mom, "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"! Man I swear I just wana be like, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!".

    3. Not only that, I can't even do anything with my mom now, for example making up the bed. Me and my mom were making up the bed, and I guess since she's soo disgusted with me, she'll find anything to say. So we were making my bed right cuz she just washed all the sheets n stuff, so she comes outta nowhere saying "all you need is the sheet" in this freakin evil tone. And I go, "Well it get's kinda cold sometimes, you sure I can't just keep using the blankets I've been using?". I knew she just said that because thats how she is she likes arguments, so she said something else and I just go, "Forget it, I don't want another argument" and walked out the room. It's like that with everything, everything I do they just keep throwing shots at me because of the fuckin job thing.

    So anyway, like I said I said something today, my dad said something again about me just going to get something to drink LOL!!!!! JUST GETTING SOMETHING TO DRINK LOL!!!!!! GOD IT PISSES ME OFF!!!!....But anyway, I got pissed and as I was walking downstairs after he said that, I stopped, walked back up and said, "If I'm just getting something to drink, why are you hounding me? All you and mom do is fuckin throw shots at me all day it's fucking annoying!!!!". Then they went on and said stuff like, "Hold on, hese talkin like this is HIS house, I can say anything I want in MY DAMN HOUSE!!". And I'm like, "Do you even know what disrespect is? Just because it's your house, that doesn't give you an excuse to treat me like shit! You call yourselfs christian?! You think in heaven you can call people names n stuff just because they're in YOUR house at the time?". I'm not gonna get into that argument any further because it's just making me mad...

    All I'm saying is, I can't keep taking this disrespect from them, I work hard all day and I come home to hear there mouths go on and on and on it's just too much. After the argument was done I went downstairs and damn near had a seizure from flipping out screaming and throwing my arms around, I never felt soo much rage come out of me at one time, and then my mom went, "There's something wrong with you, your crazy". I never hit a woman in my life and never will, but I swear I felt god holding me back and I'm soo glad he did, because I was 2 seconds from punching my mom straight in the face.

    This is getting too much for me, I need advice, or I'm just gonna kill myself....I got nowhere else to go...
     
  2. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that your parents are being so mean and hurtful to you. Do you have any friends you could stay with? I'm sorry I'm not much help. I hope things get better for you. Please keep holding on.
     
  3. *Mellie*

    *Mellie* New Member

    I hate that they are being so disrespectful to you! No one deserves that treatment, even if it IS their house. I hope you can find the strength to endure this until your situation can improve. I am trying to balance work and school myself. I completely understand about not wanting to settle for a rinky dink job and making something more of yourself!

    I wish I had the perfect words to say to make you feel better but unfortunately I do not. Just know that a person very special to me completed suicide and I am CERTAIN he didn't realize how many people loved him and how many people he hurt by doing that to himself. I am sure you have many people that love and care about you. Please do not consider that an option! You can do this!!
     
  4. Conquest

    Conquest New Member

    I know it's probably hard for you guys to understand just by reading this, it's more of a having to be here kind of thing, like I woke up this morning to see my dads pissed off face. Sometimes I really wish I could just beat the fuck outta them, real shit. I didn't get out the army to have to deal with this shit. All I'm trying to do is save up like $5,000 so I can GTFO of here, and that make that completely fuckin hard.
     
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