cant take it anymore!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by MissMisery, Sep 13, 2011.

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  1. MissMisery

    MissMisery Well-Known Member

    I cant take any of it anymore, its all so misunderstood and im being bullied and tortured mentally by my dad. All he does is drag me down, tell me how gross i am, how my mum doesnt want to know me anymore how i have no friends and lost my family.

    How im JUST a drunk, constantly winding me up. Threatening me with things he knows il bite at. I have no option but to be here, feel like im held against my will. He is such a bully! he acts all fake and concerned and comes the innocent with doctors or anyone in authority, and infront of his gf and friends and other family memebers.

    but they dont see or hear wat he is really like, wat he says to me how he says it, the way he looks at me with this revolting ugly evil expression of hate.

    I dont have anything to turn to or anyone, all i do is eat and eat and im stuck in this awful mess. Then i drink on a night, but im not dependent on it as i proved before. I WAS at one time nearly 2 years ago now. But this is different.

    I cant take all the pain, the abuse the feeling the fear any of it. All he does is try and scare me more make me feel more helpless more threatened more alone more pathetic etc. Hes twisted everyone to beleive im somewthing im not. I dont know wat to do, i feel physically ill, hurt my leg lastnight and i cant stop crying. Hes just been on phone to tht shit 'crisis team' who are a complete waste of time. and he just went on all innocent bull shitting saying i tried to trash house wen all i did was throw some pears to the wood floor cos he was in my face saying how gross i am as per usual how im on same level of a park bench tramp etc, and reminding me over and over tht the things i do arent right for a 24year old. But WHY DO I DO IT. tHAT IS WHY.

    bUT THERS NO RELEASE and i cant take it, i cant stand it i just want to be me, but i lost myself and he made damn sure any little bit of self i get back he will rip out and throw it around. My pride my self respect and he loves to make damn sure that ppl witness it, neighbours, strangers, family his friends etc .

    i can see in his ugly evil face how much he enjoys seeing me suffer seeing me in this state and pushing all my buttons. and how he loves to threaten me with the one thing hes got over me 'money'.

    I dont know, and ive tried. Ive been to housing, im on the list, im in a bad money situation and hes just using it as tool to keep me stuck and to torture me more and more.

    I wish to god ther was a way out, i dont want to die but i cant take this suffering anymore and i keep trying but its never enough just keep falling back and getting pushed back. and its unfair it really is, i dont know why i have to be such a victim. why me!?
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    He sounds awful, a bully. But you are better than him, stronger. Would he cope under the pressure he puts on you?

    Your esteem seems low, can you do things to raise it?
  3. MissMisery

    MissMisery Well-Known Member

    He is a bully, used to be like it with my mum (who is divorcing him) but he was never this cruel, hes been bitter and twisted for years and a very frustrated person, he cant stand upto real men, or authority or his boss at work who he doesnt get on with. So he has always taken out his frustrations in life work and himself on others, mainly me and my mum. But since she has moved out, i get it all, and its on a scale tht i cannot express enough to others and the whole act he puts on infront of ppl on the outside just makes me look like an idiot etc. People will never see the truth and it kills me tht i get tied with the mad brush because of my history.

    People never forget things, they take one instance one diagnosis and they tag me with the sterotype to tht category. They dont take into account the other factors let alone the cause! so im just like a massive idiot with a label tht i doubt will ever go. I intend on moving away from this city in the future, away from so called friends and family and start to live my own life and find myself again.

    Self esteem is low at best of times, but when im under the bully its unreal how bad it gets, walk around with my head down like a dog with tail between its legs.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry this is happening, he has no right to do this to you.

    you might be eligible for disability payments

    this is a link to domestic violence groups

    if you look at the individual groups, many cover all forms of domestic abuse, not just physical violence

    I hope that there is a way you can get out of this and get better!

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun if it get to violent you call the police on himor call crisis line and they will send someone over to talk to him okay Is there anyway you can get away for awhile to another relatives or a friends place so you can get out of the toxic environment. You donot deserve his bullying hun i hope you call someone okay and get some help for you hugs
  6. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry I missed your reply to this.
    You must try to get out, away from him. Your mum will understand by the sound of it, can she help you?

    It's good to hear you have a positive plan to move away.

    He is a weak-willed bully as you know, hitting out to bring others down.
  7. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    been there, i have no family and friends are getting tighter each every day

    im sending you some roses to not go :zombie: its a hard one but see i am still alive you could too, its worth it.

    about your parents... how old are you, if 18+ listen, now its a new start and beginning bright is light
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