Can't take the pain anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shagura, Oct 13, 2011.

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  1. Shagura

    Shagura Member

    Hi all.

    I've been sick since my 15th, I'm 19 now. I've been in terrible constant pain. A stomachache so bad it feels like someone's stabbed me with a knife, I'm nauseaus all the time, I only sleep one to two hours every night, and I puke my guts out on a daily basis. I basically live on yoghurt and food that gets pumped into my stomach in a little plastic tube. I'm 6''0, My weight dropped from 160 pounds when I was 15 to a measly 120 pounds. I'm so hungry I'm losing my mind, sometimes I'd just chew on what's left over of whatever the rest of the family ate at dinner, just to remember what actual food tastes like.But I have to spit it out again, because else I grow even sicker, it'll feel like my intestines are being shred to pieces, and I start to hurl and puke blood. The hunger is just gnawing on me. I have no friends left since I've basically locked myself into my room, I barely ever go out. I don't go to school anymore.

    A few months ago, finally, after years of examinations and going to hospitals they've been able to 'guess' at what I have, a paralyzed stomach. Finally I thought it'd go better, but no. They don't even know any treatments and have no clue about what to do and they just decided to send me to the hospital next week for more examinations. So, bye short-lived hope. Fuck you, life. I don't know what I ever did to deserve this crap. I'm seriously considering putting an end to this suffering before I get to that hospital.

    I can't smile or cry anymore. All I feel is hate and anguish.

    Oh, and the doctor told me I should quit smoking. And I don't do it all that much. Fuck you, doctor, that's the last thing I'm clinging on to and I'm not about to give it up even if it's to the last breath I take.

    Edit: I don't know how but I double posted the thread, sorry for that.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Don't worry hun i deleted double post
    I am so sorryyou are suffering so greatly I hope with new test they will be able to find something to help you
    Have you tried going to a learning hospital one that does research They may have more answers for you and your condition
    Make sure you get a 2nd and third opinion on what it is you have and how they can help you
    Don't give up hun okay you don't know if tomorrow they will find something to help you hugs to you
    I hope you continue to talk here hun to reach out okay hugs
  3. Shagura

    Shagura Member

    Thanks Total Eclipse. But the treatment I'm going to be having isn't even knew, they just do the same friggin' thing over and over again and I'm sick of tired of having to put up with all this.
    We've tried various alternative and nonorthodox medicinal practices but they just don't work.
    I'm really just about to give up, I can't take another four years. Or two, or one. Every minute feels like forever.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know hun it is so overwhelming a research hospital may have more answers though see if you can get to one of those hospitals okay. I know your tired hun and sick but new medical procedure may come up I do hope you can get some help hun
  5. Shagura

    Shagura Member

    I don't know.. If feels like I've died already, it's just the body that needs to follow now.
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