hi, this is my first post, and i've never really been into one of these, but i'm just really messed up. my name is ashley, i'm a lesbian and just got out of a very serious relationship w/ somebody i love very deeply. i use to be a cutter for five years, and recently stopped three months ago for this girl. we broke up yesterday because of how i am. i am a selfish fucking bitch and i really messed this up. she is still my life and my soul and always will be. i had so many chances to make it better, but i didn't, because i thought i was going to fix it, but i didn't. she doesn't think i love her, which is terrible because i don' think she realizes that i love her more than anything in this whole world, and it isn't some stupid puppy love shit. i just want to cut and just fucking die. i don't know what to do, and i'm going to visit her on friday (she moved to maine recently because of her fucking mother) and i don't know what to do. also, another stress is school. i'm very intelligent and take all ap and honors classes + my passion for tv. i have exams this week and studying is just tearing me completely apart. i'm so emotionally exhausted and i just don't want to do this shit anymore. i don't care about college anymore..i just want to get out of HERE. i don't know, i need help, and somebody to talk to would be very nice. thanks.