can't talk about suicide in a suicide forum?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by always_naive, Jan 21, 2013.

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  1. always_naive

    always_naive Member

    I had a suicide plan a few weeks ago, but I didn't follow through. I regret I didn't complete it because I find the very few people (both online and offline) know I am suicidal or had a plan don't seem to want to talk to me any more. I can't blame them as I know they are doing this for their own safety/sanity. I feel more alone than ever. When I am in one of those very rare forums, I feel I have to be self-censored and try to talk things lightly so that I will not trigger people or push them away. I certainly know people just like to be around with happy people. I feel so hopeless. Even though I am not so depressed at this moment, I don't see anything I can live for. I already thought the same well before the last plan. I think it more so now. I am sorry to say I am contemplating it again. BUT, for those who are a lot younger than me, you still have a lot of potential to get a better life. There are so much you have not seen or experienced. Hang in there.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You know hun age does not matter YOU hun can reach out for support it is there for you depression is treatable ok talk toyou doctor right now your mind is clouded with sadness thoughts all distorted with darkness you feel Just know hun that you to can reach out you can you are worth every effort in finding that support that is there for you hugs
     
  3. listless

    listless Banned Member

    fresh_p,

    I'm not one to pass judgment on anyone or their decision to end their life-I also grapple with feelings of suicide. But I think if the feelings arise from a situation that can be changed, then perhaps changing your life might make you feel better about it. I recall you said your job was terrible, finding another one could help. As for feeling alone, well I'm there with you. I have friends/family but no 'special someone' and I think that's one of the worst type of loneliness out there, next to actually being alone. However I know I can eventually find someone decent as I have before even though it won't be easy. I think you can also if you're willing to be a little less picky (as I'll have to be as well).

    Being in your 40s like me, I still think you're in the prime of your life. A little off track, I recall in one rare episode in my life many years ago, things got really bad for me and I had major panic/anxiety attacks...I don't think any amount of talking would've made me feel better, since my suffering was so intense. It was simply a matter of resolving the issues I was facing that helped me to overcome them. So likewise my words may be falling on deaf ears if you're intent on following through. But just so you know you do have friends here like myself who'd be more that happy to listen and offer advice and support if you wanted it.
     
  4. always_naive

    always_naive Member

    It's more than just a terrible job/abusive boss and loneliness. I was betrayed and abandoned by the people I loved and trusted most. Despite having inherited the depressive genes from mom, I learned to see things from a positive perspective. I was intelligent, pretty and confident. If there were not so many bad experiences and setbacks in my life (kind of non-stop), life could be a lot more bearable if not enjoyable. If I was 25, or even 35, I might still have a few dreams/hopes that kept me going. Unfortunately, I have lost hope, trust and faith after all these years. There is just so much one can take.
     
  5. listless

    listless Banned Member

    I'm sorry to hear about being betrayed/abandoned by those you loved. Over time I've learned few people are genuine friends who will stand by you through thick and thin and if they do they're worth keeping. Most people are selfish and use others to get what they want. I've just learned to become as vicious to those who become vicious towards me-but likewise, I'm kind to those who are authentically kind towards me.

    It's uncanny how you and I think alike in some ways. I feel the same as you that my dreams/life was in my past and there's little to look forward. This is a cold, hard reality for us both-because of our age and the changes over time. While I wish I was dead, I try not to dwell on it too much cause I know I'll just invoke some powerful/depressive emotions I have and at this stage in my life I can't afford to-since there's some important things I have to take care of. Perhaps that's why I haven't sunken too deep into depression and suicidal ideation.

    But looking at things objectively, you can still have your dreams in your 40s, it's not really over. If you said 60 or 70 I might agree with you. As I mentioned in my other post when I was younger I was attracted to older women and that's not paying lip-service. I really wanted to date them since I found them sexy. So you just never know what guy out there would be into you right now until you take a chance.

    In no way am I trying to minimize your problems, but I think each one can be realistically dealt with and resolved if you put your mind to it. In my case, I'm out of shape currently, I used to be well built, so I'm going to work on that again and usually when I'm fit, I tend to get interest from women. Just a fact of life, I think most women are as superficial as men-at least the attractive ones. I'm also looking for better paying work and will keep climbing the ladder till I feel I'm making enough money.

    Suicide is definitely the easy way out-but one leaves a major hole behind. Though I know some days I would want to end it if it was an easy thing to do, but I live day by day.
     
  6. always_naive

    always_naive Member

    Yes, a couple of 20 y olds were chasing me. :eek:hwell: Believe me, it didn't take us long to know it just didn't work :noway:
     
  7. listless

    listless Banned Member

    I hear you, 20 yrs olds are still pretty immature-so maybe someone in their 30s is probably a better age to aim for, plus being closer in age they'd be more open to dating. I think the hard part is simply finding/meeting the right people. I know if I was in the right situations I could snag a decent girl with my personality and despite being a bit overweight I still get checked out on the odd occasion. :smile:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2013
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