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Can't Think of a Title

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Psychosomatattack, May 28, 2012.

  1. Psychosomatattack

    Psychosomatattack Active Member

    Sitting here dreading going to work tomorrow. I have social anxiety and I am not good at being assertive, and one of my coworkers has been very rude to me lately. I am afraid that he might keep acting this way, and even more so I am afraid of leaving work tomorrow night feeling stupid again, like I did yesterday. I felt pathetic and weak that I didn't have the guts to stand up to him and be assertive. And what is more, the rudeness is subtle, so it's not like I can complain about harassment (and even if I could I probably wouldn't for fear of being a snitch).

    I know my life isn't as bad as some people's out there, but so what? Just the fact that they live in the same world as I do and yet they suffer so horribly is enough reason to me to want to die. I don't want to live in such an awful reality any more.

    But even more than that... I hate the way I look. I hate:

    -my height: 5'1. Sure some say it's cute and it could be worse but still, I feel like less of a woman for it.

    -how young I look: I'm 21 and without makeup I have been told I look 12, with makeup maybe 16

    -my hands: as stupid as it sounds, they are really small and I am self-conscious of them. I've been teased about it before and I feel like a freak, and that they are creepy; they're small, child-like hands (about 6 inches in length), too small for a grown woman's body, even one who only stands at 5'1. I've posted here before about it, but... I'm just putting it here too.

    I don't know what to do. I am lonely but I don't have the energy or confidence to pursue friendship, except online, which can only go so far :( Same thing goes for a romantic relationship.

    I am drained, each day I just feel more and more like a mistake.

    I want a way out but I'm too afraid to do anything extreme :(

    Guess I'll just have to keep existing like this.

    I don't know how much longer I can put up with the work situation though, if my coworker continues to act this way. I'm really scared of having to see him again. I hope he leaves me alone. I feel like such a loser there. I might have to quit eventually, I don't want to go through that high school crap all over again.

    Sorry for how pathetic this sounds, it is exactly how I feel though.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Some times ignoring someone is more powerful than responding, but most importantly, it is to do what you think is best...your coworker has obvious problems...maybe you can feel sad for him, as he must be miserable to act this way, and move on...people will be rude no matter where you go, but please do not give up your job over it
  3. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    er? Are you male or female?

    opps. I reread your posting and I think I got the answer.

    Don't feel too bad. You are worth something to others. For example, you made me happy for a few minutes.