I keep hearing that suicide is a selfish and cowardly act, that God gave you life and you should cherish it. Think about the people you leave behind. Think about what is left to experience. That my mind is deformed at the moment, in time it gets better. Are these really the only argumements they have cause they sure the hell aren't enough to keep me here I don't believe in god, so that arguement goes nowhere with me. I don't want to experience any more pain and it certainly has outweighed the joy so far, so how will that be any different in the future. People die every day, why is it so awful for me to want to face death on my terms rather than go through more crap and be miserable for another 20-40 years. Suicide is the farthest thing from cowardice that ever existed. To make the most difficult decision in your life, to end everything, is no where near being a coward. And to call it selfish is so far from true. I have thought of the person I will leave here, it is one of the hardest things to think about. In the end, they will move on, I will not be forgotten but they will move forward. People die everyday and we don't pass judgement because they have a disease or die of old age. This is my time to let go. These guilt ridden discussions and talks of imbalance are cruel. There is nothing wrong with me for not seeing a silver lining everyday. My world is not one giant rainbow we can slide down and have everything better at the other end. Life sometimes sucks and when you consistently consider suicide as your only option what the hell are you suppose to do to stop it. I just want people in my life to stop trying to stop me and let me make my decisions without feeling like I am the one being cruel and cowardly. This is hard enough as it is! It's been a long time since I've said anything to anyone about my feelings because they constantly throw the above rhetoric at me. I feel like if I'm really going to do this then no one can know but I want to say goodbye, I want to feel not alone and not guilt ridden when I go. Why can't anyone understand that this is my life and if I want it over with then it is my choice. How do other people deal with these feelings? Why can't we end our lives when we choose? Why can't we just let go and be happy that person isn't in anymore pain ? What the hell is wrong with society that they would rather you lead a miserable life the end one?