can't win

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Jul 19, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    trying to pretend that everything is ok - but it's not working

    annual review was last friday at work

    in a year where i was not given the leeway to help my son start school, where the office relocated and i had to travel to new jersey, where i lost my office, where i was misled on my responsibilities in a major project, where i still laid the technical groundwork that led to the same project being completed ahead of expectations despite constantly shifting deadlines, conflicting directives from above, and lack of proper internal support before i was out on disability, i get failing marks in adaptability and not being results oriented enough

    and management used this project as the example

    my protests were ignored while i had to sit for 1-1/2 hours to being told how i was falling short

    so either i'm totally useless or i'm being stabbed in the back - and honestly i don't know which alternative hurts worse

    can't raise myself out of this for more than a few minutes at a time - couldn't sleep - spent the last part of the commute with my head down and my hood over my face so i could have the illusion of privacy while i was crying

    i'm in the office but i think i'm one glance away from losing it - being here is actually painful but i can't leave and i can't quit

    tried reading, music, movies, tv to take my mind off it, but either it doesn't last or some lyric, scene, or situation just starts me crying - last night i tried watching kung fu panda again - not only did i cry anyway during it but my wife got mad at me for watching the same movies over and over again before walking out of the room

    now i'm fighting off a headache that i have not been able to get rid of for a week to top everything off

    i've been pulling back into my shell again, i've been of new use to anyone, especially the people i care about

    and while i am not actively contemplating self-injury, i wish i would just die already
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just ... wow. I don't even know what to say. Except whoever told you that you deserved failing marks in adaptability obviously doesn't know what they're talking about (which I know does you absolutely no good, just wanted you to know I see where you're coming from).
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :hug: i dont have any words right now but jsut wanted to let u no i read ur thread and that im thinking about u and i hope things get sorted very soon.
  4. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :console: I love you :wub: I know i dont want you to die...and i can name many other people that dont want you to die.

    Your work is fucked to say the least... You should get better recognition for all that you do for those people and im sorry you arnt getting it :(

    Your wife...hmmm...She needs to lay off :( have you tried talking to her about how you are really doing?? Just a thought.

    I love you :wub: Here if you need me...but you knew that :)
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    my head is pounding so badly i'm starting to get nauseous - tylenol has done me no good whatsoever

    this is the icing on the cake
  6. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Maybe you could go home early??? :console:
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    don't dare - meeting at 4

    if i don't show up i guarantee he will hold it against me
  8. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :( :console: Can you maybe take a longer lunch or something...?
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    great timing on this e-mail:

    "Dear Associate:

    This year, xxxxxxxx has engaged the Great Place to Work® Institute, a global leader in workplace surveys, to conduct its Associate Opinion Survey for 2010."
  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I dont understand...what is that?
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'm being asked to participate in a survey about how my company is such a great place to work
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Aww :( What would happen if you were honest and said they sucked? :unsure:
  13. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  14. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    my thoughts are with you can be a hassle that is for sure..
  15. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Are you doing okay hun? You havent posted on here in a bit... :wub: you..
  16. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    went to lunch to the only area spot that has wifi - wifi was down

    come back to my desk and have to sign in to a remote system - profile has been deactivated

    WTF!! is this karma? was i a mass murderer or something in a previous life?

    maybe the universe is trying to tell me something?
  17. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    What profile?? :hug: Im sorry everything seems to be going wrong today :(
  18. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I am around if you need to talk..
  19. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Sounds like things are really going rough for you. Any chance of maybe going to work someplace else where you can be appreciated? I hate it that things are going so bad for you. I hope you know that you can talk to me - you can't hurt me so please talk to me if you need or want to. I am your friend and want to help. You are a wonderful sweet person. You deserve to be appreciated and you are here... *hugs* *shoulder massage*
  20. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    met with my manager again yesterday - basically told me he didn't know what to do with me

    feels like they're setting me up

    maybe i'm just obsolete

    if i write really small i can fit "Why am i still alive?" 5 times on a line of paper
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2010
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