Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bereft9, Jan 31, 2015.

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  1. bereft9

    bereft9 Member

    Can't talk
    Can't keep going
    Can't take care of myself
    Need to die
    It is so terribly painful, I can't bear it anymore. Year after year...
    So much darkness.
    Can I fly away?
  2. Mermaid3011

    Mermaid3011 Member

    Oh how I hear you!
    You are not alone. I was hoping to just drift away in the ocean like a beautiful, colourful angle fish...
    That was 3 days 6 days ago. Then my psychiatrist gave me a new drug combination to try and I am actually feeling better already. After only 3 days.

    Is that something that you could try? Finding the right meds? The right support?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2015
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, you can talk to us here, we will not judge you in any way. What is causing you to feel way? I know the darkness is a horrible feeling, you can open up here. I bought a canvas for my wall last week that says ''fly away with me'' it's very fitting for my emotions.
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Can you write it down if you cant talk about it? The darkness can become lighter over time if you find a way to turn the lights on. I dont know what you have tried or not tried yet but just letting you know there is hope for you.
  5. bereft9

    bereft9 Member

    It's too big to describe. It's a lifetime of seeing rejection in every encounter with another human being, a lifetime of living in fear of rejection, a lifetime of hiding myself, avoiding people. And that is just one problem - there are many more.
    As for help - I would love to get help. However, I am out of town, visiting a relative, and I keep trying to find a doctor here, and it keeps falling through.
    The right meds would help. In fact, they are essential. If only I could get an appt. with someone.
    Going to bed. No plans to die tonight.
  6. Mermaid3011

    Mermaid3011 Member

    Sigh... I am so sorry you feel so alone Bereft9.
    If it's too big to describe start in small batches.
    I usually journal and start with very simple things like what I am having for breakfast or what my first thought was when I woke up. It all goes from there. Sometimes I go from one issue to the next, sometimes I just write about one big problem. What I find is, that writing it down makes my head less of a busy bee hive. I can sort thoughts. Organize them. It's like having a pile of junk and starting to make small piles. Then you can look at each small pile and decide what to do with it. And once the big pile is sorted into small piles, you often see something at the end of the room that you had totally forgotten was there! Like a window. Or a chair. Or a friend.
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