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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by absolution, Oct 15, 2010.

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  1. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I cant do this anymore.. :cry: Im tired of this.. im tired of everything being turned around on me. Im tired of losing people to suicide.. I cant take it anymore..
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hang in there. I hope you don't lose anyone else to suicide. :hug:
  3. Sorry to hear about the suicides you know about.

    I dont know you, so i cant say how you feel, but ive felt close to the edge too and there is a way back.
    Help is out there friend.
  4. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I dont see where this help is.. Im to far gone :(
  5. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    Please don't, LockedInside! Stay and talk. For those who care, and would be hurt, please? There's always hope
  6. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    my hope flew out the window when mark took his life. :cry: I couldnt stop him.. and now i feel so empty.
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey, hey,

    you are doing a lot of good, please don't overload yourself!

    For me it is necessary to believe in karma, that somehow all of the people who have suffered unfairly in this world will get some compensation, whether in this life or in some reincarnation. Now, I'm not saying that I know that it is true, but I think that it makes things more managable for me, and I think without this belief I would have lost my mind a long time ago!

    And it has also helped me to help other people. If I felt like I was personally responsible for every person in crisis in the world, it would be like thinking I could catch every drop of water that goes over niagara falls. You can't save everyone. For me, believing that everything will work out in the end has given me the ability to endure and help more people than if I let despair drag me down.

    I also tell myself that good things will come into my life by doing good things for others. I don't know if that is true either, but it gives me a much more positive outlook on life!

    I hope that you can continue to help people without getting dragged down in the process. But maybe you need to take a break and just work on yourself for a while?

    Also consider that folks on-line are not always telling the truth. Some may say that they have already done something to themsleves, but it could be that they really need some sympathy so they say that they have already done something that they are just thinking about doing. I'm sure there are plenty of folks on this forum who have killed themselves, but I think that is just the nature of suicide forums.

    I hope what I have said can help. I feel like I can participate in helping people while still staying up beat myself! And in the long run, that's better for everyone, because I can still be happy and not burn out!

    here's some more hugs!
    :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

    just remember how wonderful and super your are!
  8. There must be help on this forum or somebody you can phone, like a helpline. Where do you live?
    It seems like most people are assholes, and they may well be, but so many people do really care too.
  9. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    The part where you said not everyone tells the truth about whether they actually did something... they found my friends body.. in VERY bad shape.. I KNOW he is dead..
  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I want to talk to my fiancee but she is busy :cry:
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Have you tried getting some help in the SF chatroom?
  12. cherry.blossom

    cherry.blossom Well-Known Member

    Hey, don't blame yourself!
    you couldn't do anything to save him....
    you can't do anything to save someone when a fine line has been crossed..
    but you did something....
    you made him laugh... you made him have a good time,
    you made him feel that someone cared....
    you made him feel happy.
    and that is something really important you know???
    you must go on... do it for him.
  13. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Im trying... Im trying to live for him.. but then thoughts come into my head like "why didnt he live for me?"

    I know that is completely selfish its just how i feel. :(

    Truth.. im scared to live knowing he isnt here anymore..
  14. Im sure if she knew how you were feeling right now she would talk to you. I guess you dont want to disturb her, but your health is very important and i dont want to assume things but im sure she loves you very much.
    Youre a human being, you are no more or less important than me or anyone else in the world. You deserve the same happiness as me or anyone else in the world also.
  15. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    She is at a family thing. :( I dont know whats wrong with me. How can i consider suicide when i have her?! And i need to live in Mark's memory as well. It just hurts so much and i guess i just want the pain to stop.. :(
  16. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I'm new here and I don't know the history of you and mark. Mark wasn't the first person to be lost to suicide and he won't be the last. I know that you really loved him so much, and I'm sorry that he is gone, but nothing can change that now. I think that you have already saved a lot of people already, people just like mark, and that is a wonderful thing.

    You can't bring mark back, but you can be the voice inside yourself that you wish that mark had listened to. If mark were here now, if he loved you as much as I think he did, he wouldn't want to feel like he had brought you down.

    The most loving thing that you can do for mark now is to love yourself and to take care of yourself.

    If you let suicide take you away too, think of the people here who would have the same sense of despair.

    For now, I would say take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself. If you can get yourself back to a place where you can help other people who are just like mark, then that's great. If not, it's better that you just take care of yourself rather than letting trying to help others drag you down.

    I believe that all of the pieces of this crazy world will eventually fall into place. Please be gentle with yourself.
  17. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Im trying. I just cant see past this pain... I know i cant bring him back.. But i should have stopped him
  18. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    oh, and I didn't mean to say that I didn't believe that mark had killed himself. Just that not everyone on an on-line forum is always telling the truth.

    I think it is ok for you to talk to your fiancee. If your fiancee was in the same position, wouldn't you want her to call you?

    Are you doing any therapies now that are helping?

    oh, I'm also a newbie here, so if you would rather talk with folks that you know better, that's ok with me.

    :hug: :hug:
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Was Mark an SF member? :unsure:
  20. The fact you have her is a great thing, but I know what you mean, "why should i feel bad when i have great things in my life" - it just makes it harder when you think that way, but we have all done it. Dont think you dont deserve it because thats untrue.
    We all know it aint easy. Nobody knows how you feel but you, but so many can empathise because we have felt so similar.
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