I just feel horrible all the time. I can't stop. I don't think I'm worth it. I don't ever do anything worthwhile, if I died I would of never of done anything to remember. The only thing keeping me here are my younger brother and sisters, I wouldn't want to leave them but I feel like this is my last option. I start crying out of no where sometimes, just because I can't keep pretending I'm OK and telling my friends and family I'm fine and nothings wrong. If they knew I was this close to killing myself, it would kill them but I just....can't. I can't. If I die, maybe people will realize that something was wrong with me. That I wasn't just really, really, shy. Maybe then they would feel bad for making me feel like I can't ever do anything right. Maybe then someone would say, I should of talked to her, or, I should of asked her what was wrong. I think I'm most afraid of trying to kill myself and failing and having to face my family and friends. Then they'd really know how much of a freak I was.