Capabilty. (Huge Rant)

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by TearsDropBloodTrickles, Sep 2, 2006.

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  1. TearsDropBloodTrickles

    TearsDropBloodTrickles Well-Known Member

    Life has treated me pretty shit. It doesn't really matter what happened to me, what matters is the state its left me in, so here goes...

    I'm a young intelligent lad, with an above average IQ of 127. However i failed my GCSEs, i failed my A levels, and im now rotting away in some retail job. I have few friends, spend the majority of my time online, seeking the attention of people, to make myself feel better. Your waiting for the point, you'll see.

    I dont currently care about anything, my future, my family, my friends. I just dont care, like right now, im starving, i have pains in my stomach, and i dont care and eventually they'll just fade away like they always do. I pick and drops friends like brand new sweaters, i stole money from charity, i use people. All the stuff that has happened to me, has left me in a very dangerous state. I hope i havent confused you.

    I've named this 'thread' Capabilty, which is being capable of doing something. Now most humans have morals, well mine are void. And well heres my little secret, I think i'd be quite capable of killing someone, driving a knife into their chest, watching the colour drain from their eyes. Now i tell people this, and they look at me, and the sigh softly but i dont they understand how serious i really am. Now im openly admitting i have the capabilty of doing it, but i wonder how far am i from desiring it. It would be fair to say that i am very close to being a clinical psychopath ( Look up the correct meaning before commenting ), what happens when i get tired of everyone, and everything hurting me, and i decide i wanna hurt someone else, make them feel what ive been burdened with.

    I wonder is this how murderers are created, does pain equal pain, is this my fate. Well i say man makes his own fate, if i murder someone its because ive chosen to be a muderer. Even tho is something i will proberly never do, just admitting that i quite capable of doing it, well thats worrying isnt it ? Or is it just me, blowing something small out of proportion, afterall we are capable, arent we ? I guess the only difference is, morals hold you back, and im not sure whats holding me back, and if i dont know what it is, how can i say how long it will hold me back for ?

    Am i sick ? Do i crave attention ? Is my craving for attention sickness ? Is life just one fucking pointless piece of shit, and humans are too intelligent for the process they were intended for, so our minds create these stupid problems, to fill the void of living. I'm only sick, if society decides im sick. If i offended, or if i dont fit into one of societys defined social groups. Life is shit, because humans made it so god damn fucking complicated. Im suffering because of all the shitty generations of man that came before me. Im suffering because man thinks hes a thousand times greated than he is. I hate humanity. I hate humanity. I hate our beliefs, i hate the execution of our beliefs.

    You know there are some specials of insects that live for only just one day, the awake in the world, fly around for a little while, fuck one of their own, and then they lay down and die. They don't worry about why apples fall to the floor, why the wind blows, why the sky is blue, they live, they fufil their reason for living and then they die. And thats what i hate about humanity most of all. All of them do the same fucking thing!

    Live for the sake of living.
     
  2. dark_thought

    dark_thought Guest

    I sometimes think about what it would be like to kill someone; god knows I have a long list of targets. But those thoughts are never as clear or as lucid as those concerning suicide.

    You're clearly intelligent and empathetic. Murderers tend to be neither.
     
  3. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    127 is above average? I didn't know that. I'm 13 and scored about 143. However, that rant was pretty good. The thing about "pain equaling pain" was interesting though I think it's kind of illogical.
     
  4. dark_thought

    dark_thought Guest

    I think 120 is considered 'average' but the result is largely meaningless IMHO. When I was at school, kids would take the test online and then brag about their scores. A number does not make the person.
     
  5. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    -- Am i sick ? Do i crave attention ? Is my craving for attention sickness ? Is life just one fucking pointless piece of shit, and humans are too intelligent for the process they were intended for, so our minds create these stupid problems, to fill the void of living. I'm only sick, if society decides im sick. If i offended, or if i dont fit into one of societys defined social groups. Life is shit, because humans made it so god damn fucking complicated. Im suffering because of all the shitty generations of man that came before me. Im suffering because man thinks hes a thousand times greated than he is. I hate humanity. I hate humanity. I hate our beliefs, i hate the execution of our beliefs. --

    Thats what you said 'TearsDropBloodTrickles'.
    Are you sick? Do you think you are?
    Do you crave attention? Do you want everyone to notice you and want to talk to you and care for you?..
    Life isnt Pointless its kinda like a test i think.. Like to see if we can do the right thing, to see if we can make the most of it.. and i think its also like.. a gift.. We get this Journey that we can do pretty much whatever we want with. We can end it. We can live it to the full. We can have a family. We can go to jail. Its our choice. We've all gotta choose the path we want and it may take a few trys but we'll get there.
    Sometimes things happen and there out of our control, like a friend dying, but its still someones choice. Would you like it if someone else made all your choices? i wouldnt. So you cant make theres. Something could happen to other people and it can make you so, so sad, but agian, thats choice. If you dont like that, then dont make the same choices as they have, if you dont and i dont, and someone else doesnt, then no one will and we can all be better off.

    Yeah i know, lifes still gonna be hard, but not AS hard.. Things will still make us hurt coz one persons happiness might be anothers sadness but we gotta give it a try..

    Eternity is in your hands you know... You have to be the person you want to be, wether that persons depressed, loving, happy, whatever, YOUR CHOICE...

    here if you wanna chat x
     
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