Car accident, almost died

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Mortal Moon, Nov 18, 2009.

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  1. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    I was in a pretty bad car accident today and was fortunate enough to walk away from it uninjured (minor cuts and bruises aside). However, the nature of the incident was such that it could have been a hell of a lot worse.

    It was pouring rain and I was driving down a coastal highway, with all kinds of crazy turns and little room for error on a good day. As I went into one of these turns, my car suddenly spun out of control, and before I knew what was happening, the airbags had deployed and I was upside-down, in the middle of the road. I was able to crawl out through the driver's side window, and only later did I find out (from a number of sources) that my car had been hit. By an oncoming semi truck. AFTER I was upside down in the middle of the road.

    Holy. SHIT. :eek:hmy:

    So I was either unconscious during this (which I don't recall being at any point), or else I hit my head in such a way as to give me amnesia for those few moments. Because otherwise, I have to believe I'd sure as hell remember being hit by a fucking 18-wheeler, you know?

    So now my car is totaled, I had to get a ride home from my mom (who lives about 4 hours from the scene of the crash). I have a small cut on my hand, a bruised forehead, and some neck and shoulder pain, and that's it. No broken bones, no brain damage. This was a wreck that could EASILY have killed me- I remember the car tumbling around and feeling sure that these were my last moments, not wanting to believe that this is how it all ends.

    I don't believe in God; I don't think there's anyone or anything "out there" who really cares what happens to us; I believe that when I die, my consciousness will be destroyed and my self will simply blink out of existence. And I have certainly not ceased being a suicidal person. But after this all happened, after I had been watched over and cared for by numerous people I had never met, when I was sitting in the cab of a tow truck hauling what remained of my car over to the impound lot, and the driver was telling me those words I'd always hated and rolled my eyes at, that "someone was looking out for me" and that I was "lucky to be alive"... I have to say, for that brief moment, I believed he was absolutely right.

    I'm still sorting this out, trying to figure out exactly what happened and what it all means. But for right now, I just feel extraordinarily happy to be alive- and that's something I haven't felt for a long time.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Jonathan I'm glad you made it out alive. My son rolled my Ford Explorer two years ago. He like you by every account is lucky to have survived as well and especially with only the minor injuries he received.

    He can recall the start of the roll and sitting on the road side praying someone drove by (it was a fairly deserted stretch of rural gravel road). Help did come and once I knew he was off to hospital and safe, I waited for the police to show up. When they did they re-enacted what had to have happened and at what speeds etc things happened. Like I say, my son only remembers the initial start and end of the accident. He DID not pass out. But rather the doc says it is a way for your body to survive what is happening. You kind of shut off. You are still functioning but your brain is blanking it out because the panic you would be feeling understanding everything as it is happening would be too much for you to take. You will more than likely as you start to recover emotionally from what happened, start to remember bits and pieces. I took my son back to see the truck after the accident. There were bloody hand marks where he slid down the driver door to escape the truck. He looked at me and asked if I had cut my hands trying to get things out of the truck? He doesnt even remember seeing the window shield blown in towards him or that the truck was completely squashed but up right. What he does remember is after it stopped rolling, he turned off the radio and the ignition (lol)!!!! He now can recall little bits and pieces and I'm thinking that is good because from what I saw of my truck, he really doesnt need to remember anything about it except that the fact he is truly lucky that he survived it at all.

    You dont need to be religious to be thankful for what ever helped you through that ordeal. Just keep that feeling you had when that fellow said someone was watching over you. It gives you a sense or feeling that sometimes when you think no one can help, there is something out there that does. Might help you through the suicidal thoughts and feelings a bit now too. Hope you're able to find another car and be able to get past the experience and move forward again soon. Glad you're here to post about it all!!!
  3. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you made it out alive jonathan :). It's strange when your mind blanks out something during an accident. I had a pretty massive bike stack going down a kill at like 60 ks an hr, I came off the foot path hit the road and my handle bars must have turned side ways and made me roll(thankfully). I'm surprised I didn't have any broken bones or anything. And I remember lying there thinking "WTF just happend?" then I remembered going down but not actually hitting the ground. Thankfully I was wearing a helmet at the time, if I wasn't either half my face would have been shredded or I probly would have smashed myself unconcious etc. Probly helped that the bike took a lot of the crap to lol :D.

    Hope you can find a new car :p
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Wow, I can't imagine how scary that had to be. I'm really glad you made it out alive!!
  5. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    The more I think about it, the weirder I feel about not remembering that stretch of time. I can remember feeling an impact with something on the side of the road, and then the airbags deployed, and then there was a lot of noise and I was thinking "I'm about to die, I hope it doesn't hurt too much." The next thing I can remember after that was someone coming up to the car and asking if I was able to get out. Anything that happened between those two events is completely gone, but somehow it felt like it was a seamless whole- I definitely don't recall being unconscious during any of it.

    Itmahanh, what your son went through does sound very similar to what happened yesterday. You're probably right that the details will start to become clearer as I recover. My mom said I should write down my perspective on the event so that I don't unintentionally fabricate the details later on, which is part of why I posted all this on SF :). But it's definitely possible that I'll end up "remembering" things that never actually happened, as a sort of defense mechanism. So I have to be cautious about that.

    As for the car, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be a motor vehicle owner again for quite some time; my insurance won't pay for it, and I don't have a job. But we'll see.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well what he doesnt remember the ocassional shard of glass that keeps coming through his scalp even now reminds him very nicely that he is a very lucky young man. I'm sure you'll do just fine. And yes there may be things that you will never ever get back or remember. Some may be a little fabricated as another way to protect you. And that may be for the best. The mind is a very complex "machine". Just glad you made it out alive.
  7. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Oh my god. I'm SO glad you are okay.... That sounds almost unbelievable. Surviving something like that... Shit :eek: what a luck you had!! :hug:

    The girlfriend of an old kindergarten friend of mine, was hit by car very badly two weeks ago... She's in coma, has got excessive brain damage and will surely never be the same again. If she ever wakes up...
    Suddenly, just something can change everything forever. You don't know when...

    Just a few bruises? I think that this proves you are meant to be alive :D
  8. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I had a similar car accident a long time ago and still have facial scars from it. I am glad FourthDerivitive you were spared more serious injury. :smile:

    If I can ever buy a car again I will and suggest others here please take into account the crash safety rating of the model you are considering. Front and side curtain air bags are a must!
  9. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    Mm-hmm. I was lucky enough this time that front airbags alone were sufficient, but I wouldn't risk it again.

    Also, seat belts! There's a very good reason everyone tells you to always buckle up. I wouldn't be here today otherwise.
  10. jrjcb12

    jrjcb12 Guest

    I to was in a car accident with the intent to die. I had been suffering from a previous past realtionship that involved a child with whom I can not see since I am not on his birth certificate because she had cheated. Plus my parents recently got divorced, plus I had quit my job anticipating the start of a new job which never started, then I financially was in a bad situation. With all the stresses, I resorted to spending more time in bars with groups of friends and blowing the money I had. Then that ran out, and in a moment of weakness I used my roomates credit card and ran up a lot of money. That was completely wrong on my part and I regret ever doing that, not because I got caught, but because I hurt a friend and ruined my reputation as a good person who always looked out for everyone. People relied on me and trusted in me.

    With all that said, on October 1, 2009 I made the decision I would end my life because with all the stresses and dissapointment in myself I felt I had no reason to live.

    I got in my car and drove to a wooded area trying to find a "safe" place to do it so that no one else would get hurt. I would drive really fast and think to myself, "that looks like a good tree or boulder". I couldn't bring myself to do it.

    I then pulled into a secluded place, and contemplated slitting my wrists. I also texted friends and family letting them know I loved them, and texted the person whom I stole the credit card from and let him know it was not his fault that I was going to do. I apologized profusely through texts. I have since assumed all charges under my credit to repay the accounts, and as of now no charges have been pressed. My uncle tried calling to talk me out of it, but I would not answer. At one point a strange number called and it was the police. My ex had called them to tell them my intentions. I did speak with the officer for about 15 min while he tried to change my mind and find out where I was. I would not tell him, and eventually my phone died. I then sat in the car debating on what way I would kill myself. At this point it was 3am and I fell asleep in the car.

    At 7am I woke up dehydrated. I drove to the gas station and got a pack of cigs, an iced tea, and gas because I was low and would be pissed if I ran out of gas trying to find a place to crash into.

    I then pulled into a public park and wrote a goodbye letter, telling family and friends my appreciation for there friendship and love, and also apologizing for my past mistakes and asking for forgiveness for what I was about to do.

    I put the note in my wallet, lit a cigarette, and drove off.

    At this time of the morning this particular road is a busy cut through for many motorists so I found a side road with a lot of trees and boulders. I was driving pretty fast most of the time, but then it dead ended. I turned around and prayed out loud. I looked down and I was going 60mph and still was pushing on the gas. I then came around a curve and intentionally crossed the yellow lines and said aloud, "here we go" and then impact.

    I remember everything, the sound, smell, pain, everything. I never went unconsious. When I realized I didnt die I looked for the razor blade I was going to use earlier. I was pissed my accident did not work, but I could not find the razor. I then noticed all my broken bones. My shoe came off, I couldnt feel my right foot or move either leg for that matter. I was getting short of breath. I motorist came by and stopped and called the police. She was very kind, and when she asked what happened, i said "I don't know" I didnt want to tell her the truth! The paramedics came, but then called for the jaws of life. They had to cut the roof off and the door to get me out and rushed me to the hosp in a helicopter.

    Once there I was in and out of conciousness. At that point they had realized I attempted suicide, but they were very kind. I sustained 6 broken leg bones including a broken femur which they put a rod in and 2 broken ribs with a collapsed lung.

    I was very fortunate I was not paralyzed considering the speed on impact and not wearing a seatbelt. I was in the hosp for 28 days, and a mental health hosp for 8 days.

    My issue is I feel I have not dealt with the situation internally though. I still can not walk and will not for a while, so it's not as though the trauma has passed. I have still yet to cry and deal. I do go to a phsyciatrist, but even then, I still do not feel better.

    I admit, I still have moments where I wished it had worked, and that scares me.

    I don't know what to do. Any thoughts or Ideas would be appreciated
  11. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    jrjcb12, I must admit, it sounds like my accident last week was nothing compared to what you've gone through. I'm so sorry you've had to experience so much pain. I'm afraid I don't have any advice to give you right now- in many ways, I'm more suicidal now than I was before the crash. I hope you'll sign up here at the fora and talk to us some more. We're all here to help each other. Hang in there!
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