I was in a pretty bad car accident today and was fortunate enough to walk away from it uninjured (minor cuts and bruises aside). However, the nature of the incident was such that it could have been a hell of a lot worse. It was pouring rain and I was driving down a coastal highway, with all kinds of crazy turns and little room for error on a good day. As I went into one of these turns, my car suddenly spun out of control, and before I knew what was happening, the airbags had deployed and I was upside-down, in the middle of the road. I was able to crawl out through the driver's side window, and only later did I find out (from a number of sources) that my car had been hit. By an oncoming semi truck. AFTER I was upside down in the middle of the road. Holy. SHIT. hmy: So I was either unconscious during this (which I don't recall being at any point), or else I hit my head in such a way as to give me amnesia for those few moments. Because otherwise, I have to believe I'd sure as hell remember being hit by a fucking 18-wheeler, you know? So now my car is totaled, I had to get a ride home from my mom (who lives about 4 hours from the scene of the crash). I have a small cut on my hand, a bruised forehead, and some neck and shoulder pain, and that's it. No broken bones, no brain damage. This was a wreck that could EASILY have killed me- I remember the car tumbling around and feeling sure that these were my last moments, not wanting to believe that this is how it all ends. I don't believe in God; I don't think there's anyone or anything "out there" who really cares what happens to us; I believe that when I die, my consciousness will be destroyed and my self will simply blink out of existence. And I have certainly not ceased being a suicidal person. But after this all happened, after I had been watched over and cared for by numerous people I had never met, when I was sitting in the cab of a tow truck hauling what remained of my car over to the impound lot, and the driver was telling me those words I'd always hated and rolled my eyes at, that "someone was looking out for me" and that I was "lucky to be alive"... I have to say, for that brief moment, I believed he was absolutely right. I'm still sorting this out, trying to figure out exactly what happened and what it all means. But for right now, I just feel extraordinarily happy to be alive- and that's something I haven't felt for a long time.