I got in the car with her again tonight. Watched her movements slowed but twitchy as she walked through the kitchen bent to pet the dog and opened the door. I followed her to the car waited in silence as she searched for keys my arms full of puppy my limbs full of lead my mouth full of nothing. My thoughts full to the brim. This isn’t the first time and likely it won’t be the last I knew it wasn’t wise and I knew she wasn’t right but I went anyway. It’s not right I know hoping your friend might be the instrument you use or allow yourself to be used by to complete whatever sick fantasy is reigning in your head lines taut, clouds rapt in inundation I know it wasn’t right but it was such a relief even as I gripped the door in alarm as she wobbled across lines and aimed too close and swung too wide to think that I might not have to make a choice at least not another one or a prescient one. I knew the chance had probably passed when I saw blue lights in the background and reality forced her back down closer to the profanity of earth. Disappointment met relief at the door to my so alien home.