Care -

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LetItGo, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Note : Sorry im so angry and the swearing in this post.

    Let me see if i can make this clear, just so everyone finally gets it.

    I REALLY dont give a FUCK about this job. I would leave 9AM tomorrow morning if I had even the slightest chance of getting away with it. The reasons I keep turning up are simple.

    1) I need the money
    2) Id never hear the fucking end of it
    3) The welfare system shits me

    I hate trying to be someone im not. You made up your mind about me on the first day, and i can already tell I will never truly get along with any of you, and the fucked up part is, I will have to work with all of you. Its ironic i get along with management better than you guys, but ya I aint part of your little fucking crowd, and I never will be. Im a leper, a misfit, a creep, an embarrassment, an outcast, the shit on your shoes.

    The bottom line is this - the clock is already ticking, and its not even 2 weeks.

    What a fucking failure, 12 months on and im back to where I started, facing the same decision i faced then. Im going around in circles. How the fuck did I arrive at this point. What a miserable, pathetic, sorry excuse for a person I am :sad: Theres nobody to save me, nobody to be with, nobody can tell me it will be ok and have me believe it.

    Sick of faking happy when all i feel is unhappy.

    Sick of pretending im human when all I am is a mistake

    Sick of wanting someone to love

    Sick of wanting friends i can see and touch

    Sick of wanting

    Can someone please put a bullet in my head :sad:

    Maybe thats what i should do with the money im earning, save it to buy the means to end it. Im fucking sick of this.
     
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  3. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I hate the fact that we HAVE to work.
    I hated working to their timetable, hated everything about it.
    :hug:
     
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    matt
    im so sorry that you aren't happy with where you are. if i had all the money in the world i would send you some in a heart beat. Why not try going back into the web design..you clearly have a knack for it? PM me if you need to talk hun :hug:
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Matt :sad: take a deep breath and try to explain what is going on.
    You don't have to put it here if you don't want to, you have my email, msn etc or you can pop it in a pm.

    I have a feeling things may have gone a bit pear shaped with work colleagues for a number of reasons and maybe if we put our heads together we can make it a little easier for you to get at least some kind of rappor with them.
    God knows you have to work with these people for 8 hours a day, so you need to be able to at least pass the time of day with them or it will be awful :hug:

    Think out what it is that is going wrong and we'll have a chin wag on the subject.:smile:
     
  6. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    wish i could help, each time things have gotten bad at work for me, i suffered til i had another option then quit. not always easy especially the last time. just bought a ticket overseas and prayed to god it would work out. but somehow shit follows you wherever you go so its best to deal w/ it i guess.
     
  7. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I dunno Terz, the reasons are simple, it takes a while before i let the barriers drop. Thats the thing with L***, weve known each other, on and off, for several years now, personality wise were very similiar, except his hyper and im laid back. We've invented our own language and speak it fluently, seriously if you were listening to us you'd have absolutely no idea wtf where on about. Its 40% aus slang, 30% cynicism and self deprecation, 20% weird and wonderful profanity, 10% slap and tickle. Its pretty funny really. We've often joked that we'd make a great half hour comedy show...

    The problem is 90% of the people i have to work with are younger women, 18 to whatever, and I naturally find it hard to communicate with them. Same old story, women scare me lol, intimidate me, especially those i initially find attractive, and with this companies hiring policy thats not an easy thing to avoid. I haven't got a snowflakes chance in hell with any of them, but it doesn't matter, theres still that barrier there. The latest recruit, shes a fecking model for heavens sake.

    I like E****, shes a sweetheart, shes doing Law, shes a good worker too, always willing to help me and L*** out. I like M*******, shes just really nice, and she always seems to make an effort to talk to me. Overall though its a struggle, it doesnt flow like it does with me and L***. Its an effort to talk to them, know what I mean?.

    It goes deeper than that though. I never wanted to return to this type of work in the first place. It was a forced decision given the circumstances im in. I didn't have much of a choice in the end because I let things slide so far. I really don't like doing what im doing, I cant take it seriously, it holds no meaning for me, thats a big part of the problem.

    I hate having to fake the happiness as well, nobody wants to work with unhappy workmates, its a drag, it sucks the energy out of you. The problem is i cant fake it anymore. Its beyond a simple smile to cover up the shit i feel inside.

    This week has been pretty ridiculous, even the boss says - "you guys must be wrecked by now". Looks like Monday is an option now, thats peaking 70 hours if that goes ahead, and its not 70 hours watching the world go by, its solid physical effort for the most part. L*** reckons his gonna buy a small island soon lol....can see him retiring completely in ten years, his a pretty smart guy. These hours wont last though, it will be back to normal in a week or so.

    Just about to have a few drinks to relax, but ill probably flake out. Tired isnt the word.

    I just wish i could connect with people more. Ill never have anyone special in my life if i cant do that. Be nice just to be able to talk them about stuff, have a laugh etc. thats all I really want. I cant ever see any of us getting together outside of work hours.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2007
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Have worked at a job I hated and it is a real strain, I stuck it out by telling myself it was a stepping stone to something else and that got me thru it.
    Can't have helped that you've just gone back to work and they've worked you to the bone :blink: See how it feels when you aren't being worked to death, you might feel better about the job when not used like a slave.

    Now Matt, gloves off. Young girls and you is not a good mix :hiding:
    They unsettle you and then you act odd. :hug:
    Try (please hun) to see them as people and not potential love interests :hug: if you you could just see them the same way as the blokes at work you would get on better with them (though you will always have less in common, their Sheilas and you're a typical aussie bloke :laugh:).
    Not having a go at you here, but your wish to have someone in your life could make you come over as a bit too in your face :unsure: Relax hun and let nature take its course. You have loads to offer just be yourself :hug:
     
  9. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Mmm, trust me, i dont come across as too in your face, lol i dont come across at all...thats the problem. I barely talk to them at all. Im intimated. 90% of the time I ignore the fact there even there...Its about lack of communication, not about being over the top, or treating them as some sort of sex fantasy. Honestly i dont see them as potential love interests, im not deluded enough to think i have anything to offer an 18 year old, a 25 year old, or a 60 year old for that matter, nobody ever. Maybe i was deluded once...no more. I just want to get along with them..thats all.

    Ya i know how people think about me, and some of the attempts at relationships ive had here...they dont accept it, think its wrong or whatever...and like ive said on another thread...i dont give a fuck what people think. It is, how it is...accept it or dont, I dont care.

    Wish I could be myself Terry, but if i was, I wouldnt have a job.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2007
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Okays, one thing you can do Matt is listen. You are a good listener :hug: so use it, when work mates know you will listen to em (or at least look like your listening) they will chat to you. You have common ground here, you all work in the same place, just chatting about the daily grind could open doors with making some kind of connection with people.
    Meanwhile, at least you get on really well with L :smile:

    And you do so have much to offer :whack: