career(future) pro's/con's

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Hache, Feb 9, 2008.


What do i do?

  1. Stick with the Home Course

    3 vote(s)
  2. Go to University

    13 vote(s)
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  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    No matter how much i think i cant make a strong decision and stick to it.

    When i was 18 i went to uni, fucked up big time, didnt even turn up or make a single friend or go out :blink:

    So now i do a home course, but i have no social life. I dont know if i should work at it or go back to uni to try and "fix" me:unsure:

    So am doing a pro's and con's...

    Lets start with what i have now, the IT course i do at home...

    Pro's :
    • Should i pass i'd be on £17k+ a year as a trainee in 10months time
    • Good career to work up in
    • Would cost a lot(£) to pull out and disappoint family again

    Con's :
    • I have been cheating so far so i'd have to go back and learn the stuff properly, if i can be bothered
    • I dont like the look of the stuff i have to learn in the coming months
    • I know i shouldnt be but i am ashamed that this is what i do, just the way its been percieved around me as i've been growing up i guess, i hate telling people this is what i do, is it worth living with that for the rest of my life?
    • Cant see it addressing any of my lack of independence, social issues, i feel like i want to get away, i doubt i'd be making changes if i get into a full time job.

    University :
    • Would answer my lack of independence issues
    • Would answer my missed teenage years, never been to partys etc
    • Would have friends, i currently have zero.
    • Never been with a girl before, more than likely to happen at uni than being in a full time job and continuing with no social life.

    • Dont know what to study, looked at so many possibilities, nothing stands out
    • I hid away before, might happen again, although not if i leave home for it, which is the only option anyway
    • Probably never can be with a girl for a certain reason so possibly just giving myself false hope, going to university for love and friends a wise decision?
    • My eating problem (dont eat properly), causes me to curl up and hide
    • What if i dont like it again
    • Could be on 17k by the end of the year with other thing, this would mean not for over 3 and a half years til i get that salary
    • Not sure i have the balls to tell parents i want to quit the IT thing and go to uni again

    What do i do:sad: and how, and what
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2008
  2. eddizle

    eddizle Member

    i would suggest you go back to uni mate, I am at uni now and i hardly have any friends, i am mostly a loner and i do things i like such as playing footy with some of the guys, i dont have to say much besides play.

    It used to bug me that i was a loner and didnt have any friends or didnt go out clubbing like the typical uni life, as i began to accept myself more i realized that it doesnt matter if i do or dont have friends, all that matters is that i do me and i do what i like. Now it doesnt bother me that i sit at the back of the lecture room by myself whilst watching the other little kids in theri little cliques

    Anyway do what you feel is right for you, not what your family or society thinks is right,
  3. Snowman

    Snowman Well-Known Member

    I voted Go to University.. But maybe you should finish your Home Course first. Earn some money, then go to University. A few people that I know are doing that.

    I agree with eddizle though. Especially with the "Do what you feel is right for you, not what your family or society thinks is right."
  4. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

  5. Bograt

    Bograt Active Member

    Go Uni! But for other reasons. It seems the IT course is good for the money and the U is good for a social life.... go to the U with the goal of getting an education FIRST, then go for a social life (whilst a student, mind you). That way you get ALL the pro's
  6. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    That would involve waiting to go to university in 19 months time, when i'd be 21, to go commit for 3 years, cant, life wasting, couldnt last that long waiting with no friends or no life, i am struggling to last 1 more day let alone 19 more months in this house, life, trapped. raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar


    I did that when i went the first time, sat all alone, made things worse and eventually didnt bother turning up to lectures or seminars. Even though the course i was on i was only on for the sake of it.

    As you say its about the "me" thing though, maybe that means university isnt right because some of the things arnt me. But then again i am in the state i am, a hermit, self harmer and suffer suicidle thoughts, hiding away, avoiding things, thats what has got me here, this mess, hiding, running. To the point where i now have nothing, no friends at all anymore, not one, but i dont want them in my current situation, which is what makes me think university would change the hole situation. Maybe it would make it worse, maybe if it ends up a mistake i will commit suicide. Without it will i just live in regrets and missed teenage years, missed student years (now 20 years old) spent the last 3 years on a pc all day 10 hours a day and more.

    Nothing feels like the correct answer and for that reason i dont know why i bother anymore, why do i bother living, i dont fit in, i have fucked up and failed, i pulled away not knowing what i want and now i have absolutely nothing to live for and no goals, no aims, no dreams because i dont know what they should be, i dont know what i want to do. There's no point just saying wait, or you'll find it, i have been under pressure to find it for 3 years, both from society and from myself.

    I think i have become to fucked up now to carry on living. End of show.
  7. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    My friend, do what you really feel like doing and something in which you will remain happy. If you mental issues, then trust me working in IT industry will make it even worse. Not trying to discourage you at all but telling you the objective truth. Those kind of jobs require good social skills. I'm myself working in a small company as a software developer for last 1 month and I realized this. I cannot cope with the brutal environment. All sorts of cunning and opportunistic people. And it's not like IT is the only job which gives good pay. There are many people who are able to make decent money without any degree or doing some white collar job.
    My problem is that my parents have been pushing me beyond my own limits, they don't know about my problems but they unnecessarily pressurize me.
  8. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    wise words thank you, trouble is i dont know what to do, i have looked through long lists of options and alsorts, spent hours, days, late nights thinking, looking stuff up. I dont want to take anything for the sake of it or i'll fail again
  9. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Do your unis or colleges off students career counseling/regular counseling? Where I'm from, those services can test students to help them identify and explore their interests, strengths, personal "outlook on life", and the sorts of jobs and areas of interest/aptitude in which people with similar traits have been successful. This can help you sort out what kinds of courses and what area you might like to study. They don't "tell" you what to do, but they will help you explore yourself and your options. Food for thought.

    I hope you feel more "settled" soon, hun!
  10. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    i have been through dozens of online aptitude tests. I have looked through a list of over 200 different jobs, loads of subjects in the area related to what i did well in at school. No luck.
  11. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Aww, sweetie, I'm sorry you've been trying all these things without figuring out what path to take so far.

    How about for the next day or so just "not" thinking about having to decide? Allow yourself to rest from it. (Sometimes the harder I work on finding the "right answer," the more tired and confused I get. Then if I choose something, I'm not sure if it's MY decision or if was "pushed into" making ANY decision. Maybe you could take the pressure off yourself for a bit. I sure hope so!

    I have a feeling that you're going to be just fine.

    Please take care of yourself! Hugs to ya!

  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    i do home courses and enjoy them a lot:biggrin:, mostly because i dont have anyone to boss me around lol, and i can study at any time i want:smile:
  13. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Its been like this for 3 years, nothing has lasted long, and now the pressure is mounting because...

    1. If i am to carry on with home course i need to really try
    2. Would need to apply for a uni asap if thats the option, and get off home course asap
    3. Its all holding me back in many areas i try to fix:sad:

    patience is NOT a virtue, as the past proves it, i waited and waited while fucking up at uni, i came out and said i wanted to change to such and such career path, i was told i couldnt, so then just kept everything locked inside, til BOOM, results day and its all in the open that i didnt even turn up to the exams.

    i cannot motivate myself :sad: only 1 day in the past 5 months since starting this that i have and that was from the buzz that comes with being infatuated with someone.
  14. eddizle

    eddizle Member

    just be positive mate, know that you have a lot of options and you are still young. If you write yourself off as hopelfess and useless then thats what you will get.

    I know exactly how you feel, i have been through it first hand, In my first year at uni i mostly stayed in my room at the halls of residence and watched dvds whilst the others partyed all night, that hurt cause i felt like i didnt fit in, i didnt have any friends

    In mys second year at uni after a terrible and suicidal summer holiday i decided to see the uni counsellor I have met the counsellor at my uni a bunch of times a month since 2006 and it helps to have someone around to talk to about how you feel. Afterwards i began to improve

    If you decide to go, then you can meet the counsellor and they will help you with fitting in and that kind of stuff.

    Anyway what do you feel is the right choice for you??
  15. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    something that someone said elsewhere has killed the university pipe dream

    i'll post it here :

    this person is right
  16. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    i'd still say go to university. Don't worry about the past, there's always a chance for new beginnings. Even if the IT course gets you good money, by the sounds of things your personal/social life needs a big overhaul and going to uni would certainly be one of the best ways of doing that.

    Your parents are not responsible for your choices. Neither are we, for that matter, although it's not a bad idea to ask other people for their opinions. Heck I've made one course choice this last year which I realised was wrong, just because you've failed one thing doesn't mean it's permanent.

    Up to you at end of day, personally I think university is right though.
  17. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    it wouldnt be one, it would take the tally to 3.

    i've failed uni before and probably cant hack it, not worth the risk

    nothing for me to do, have the strong urge to jump off something very high
  18. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    am i right in thinking that deep down you do want to go to university?
  19. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    maybe i want some of the things, but not others and if you want to talk "deep" down then maybe its more to do with wanting it to fix me.

    I doubt it would be right, nothing is right, i dunno, meh.
  20. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    yeah i understand what you're saying. hmmm is there any way you could find a social non judgmental group near where you live?

    I have just joined in Leeds and the people are very friendly. I guess the important thing for you is to find friends. Maybe check on the internet for something.
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