Caregiver suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bluedays, Oct 6, 2009.

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  1. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    I don't see much on the web about this. And that surprises me, because I would think it would be really common.

    I don't think I can survive another day.... EVERY day. And yet I am still here.

    If it weren't for my husband, I would have already bailed. I attempted to kill myself last Monday & I am STILL HERE. Only the thought of his face made me reach out at the last minute. And I feel so guilty at being more of a depressed roommate than a wife, and seeing the stress, exhaustion & resentment all over his face.

    We are buried in debt, barely making it, not making it... my mom has dementia and I am her 24/7 caregiver. I have no sanctity, no home that feels like home anymore, no future. My heart is breaking every day.

    I'm just hopeless, helpless. And I don't want to do this anymore.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Time to call in for help go to hospital and get some time out to help you
    your husband needs you to stay strong and you need to get help to do so
    call crisis and tell them you need help and sign yourself in
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel that way, but violet is need to reach out and get help otherwise you'll fall and won't be able to help anyone...its time to think of thinking of you you think of others...
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You should be able to get some respite care for your mother. It gives you some time away so it is not so overwhelming. The stress is probably getting to you. Seek help wherever you can. You are reaching out here and that is a good start. Let us know how things are going. We do care here. :hug:
  6. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    I tried. They're waiting till I can get my mom on Medicaid to qualify for in-home care, waiting for whatever all else. I can't just leave, as there would be nobody here to watch her. I practically begged. It's not working.

    This is my life, hour after hour, day after day. I see no way out. It would have a better resolution for everyone if I were just gone.

    I can't stand living with this constant horrible pain and total lack of any hope.
  7. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    Today was just horrible. If I could find a way to end it all right now I would.

    I don't think I've experienced this kind of misery ever in my whole life.... which is saying a lot, because I've been severely depressed and has been through a ton of pain and anguish all along.

    It just keeps getting worse.
  8. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    You have to get help!

    It is so hard to always be giving so much that there is nothing left to give...

    Is there some way that someone else can give you a break just until the medicaid kicks in....this is so infuriating - I cared for my mother for several years and it was excrutiating at times - My brother would come over from time to time to give me a break cause I couldn't cope...and following all the regulations for medicaid was beyond frustrating.....

    You can't just keep going, and you can't give up...

    Keep asking in all directions for help

    It is as if you are living in a pressure cooker - the pressure builds to a point that someting is going to blow....Keep posting to let off some of the steam...

    We care even if we can't be there to help.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You have applied for medicaid but I don't understand why you haven't applied for SSI disabilty for her..She would most assuridly be eleigible for it..It takes a while to get but when they do pass it then they pay you all that back money from day one when you applied for it..Don't give up.. There are lawyers who handle nothing but SSI cases.. You can pay them out of the back money you get..You always have us to vent with or just to talk to get it off your chest..I wish you all the best....
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