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Caring for others when its hard enough to care for yourself..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Confused and Lost, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost Well-Known Member

    Every day for me is a struggle. I suffer from numerous things such as panic attacks, constant nausea, depression, sucidalness, stomach cramps etc. I tried to commit suicide once and i couldnt go through with it... The only thing that stopped me was my cat jumping on my lap. I dont want to go back there again.

    Now i started sixth form i have 3 courses to keep up to date with, its only been 3 weeks and im already behind. I care for my nan most days of the week and try to do work when and where i can. I then have to care for my struggling parents from my health and due to my nans deteriating health. I then have to deal with the same grief day in day out i just want to lie in bed and hide from the world. I have been depressed for 5 years and suffered from the rest for the past year and a half. After attempting suicide i tried different methods such as self piercing which i found helped due to confidence, pain and other reasons.

    I am not currently suicidal and after my nan going in a home yesterday and leaving behind some rather stab in the back friends from my previous school. I hope things will slowly begin to improve. I just wish i knew about this site before when things were bad as i find it easier to talk to someone i will never see in my life than someone i will see daily.

    I am new to this site, but i just wanted people to know my story and that i am always here for anyone as i know when i went through my suicidal phase someone to talk to was the one thing i needed but never got.

    Live for Tommorow, not for the past <3

    :) x
  2. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    First off, welcome to SF!

    I'm sorry to hear that your family is being plagued with health problems. I know that it can feel overwhelming. Is there anyone that can help you share the load?
  3. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the welcome. No my dad has one sister and she lives miles away so she cant get down so everything is left to us as a family.
    :) x
  4. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Dude, there's one thing I can say, a lot of people will be glad you're still here. It means there's one more good person still in the world.

    I know what you mean about caring for others though. I mean, I don't have to care for my family or anything, but my friends, who are just as important to me.

    I struggle to cope at times myself, though it's been a long time since I've felt suicidal, though I do sometimes self harm, that's been a week or so since I have though. But, I refuse to let myself be pushed down, because I've gotta be there for my friends. Their well being is worth a fuck load more than me letting go.

    So I know what it's like to need to care for people, and I myself have just started sixth form, and have taken on four subjects. You mind my asking, which subjects did you take?
  5. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost Well-Known Member

    Matt, Thank you its good to know someone else out there who is in the same position. Yeah i care for my friends alot although most times it them looking out for me as i fall asleep in my frees or class'.

    Its been around 6 months since i felt suicidal i just mainly suffere from depression and panic attacks now. i use to self harm but now changing to sixth forms my friends check and help me out alot so i havent self harmed for around a month. I taken on a new attitude too. I refuse to let anyone push me down or anything any more i stand up for myself alot and that coz i feel i need to keep going.

    I have taken on three subjects - biology, geography and animal care which is a double. Yourself?
    :) x
  6. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Wow dude, I wish you the best of luck in it all!

    I've taken Maths, Further Maths, Physics and Chemistry, cause sciences makes me feel free.

    I won't let my friends care for me before I care for them. I put my own problems behind my friends. They come first not me. I'm not going to self harm again either, I want to be free of that agony. Knowing that when people see them, they'll judge me. Think I'm insecure and all, and attention seeking, which I'm not.

    I'm insecure, I've confidence issues, trust issues, all sorts. But I don't care, plus my new friends at college, seem to be freeing me of my confidence issues, because they're a lot like me. As in depressive :)

    But yes, good luck! I wish you the best.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 23, 2010
  7. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost Well-Known Member

    matt, i wish you the best of luck too i love biology and science. i dont really allow my friend to care for me they just wake me up when i fall alsleep lol. I help them out and they help me out so its a fair deal.
    i choose not to self harm or do anythign stupid as after last time i realised people need me and that i shouldnt do anything like that. I have all sorts of issues due to previous stab in the back friends but my new friend although its only been 4 weeks i trust them alot more than my ex friends of 5 years!!

    Good luck :) x
  8. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I know. It seems strange, my friends from comp destroyed the guy I was, and here I am, in college, with two people, both two years older than me, who I've known not even two weeks, and they're keeping me going.
  9. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost Well-Known Member

    Yeah dude i know what you mean i was detroyed as well i am definately not who i use to be. My new and current friends keep me going so alls well.
    :) x
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