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castigation in a dream

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Well-Known Member
apart of me dreaming that im santa clause and im falling in a chimney (other people just dream of falling, i fall in a chimney as santa lol), i happen to have some meaningful dreams from time to time.
ive had a dream a while back, that i found kind of significant but also confusing. it made me wonder. i remember everything so clearly, everything i saw seemed so incredibly real as if it was really a memory, something i could touch, rather than a dream.

the dream begins with me coming home from work and walking up the last few steps to my apartent. i open the door and there is a man standing to the right of me in front of the living room door. he is slightly older than me and a bit taller, with wild, curly, brown hair down to his shoulders, the kind of man i would find attractive.
he grabs me by the arm and pulls me towards him, takes out a knife, swings his arm and violently cuts my left arm open again and again. then he yells: "now go outside to the others!" (by that he meant to go out to the balcony.) i know that he isnt a independent person, he is actually a part of me, a part that is estranged from me. he is and isnt real. but he is so real in that very moment.
"the others" are bits and pieces of me that are pent-up on the balcony like a bunch of mindless geese and that he is in charge of at the moment. he is punishing "us", for what i dont know.

theres so much blood and the wounds are so big and deep. instead of going outside, i go to the bathroom first to wash my arm. i run water over my arm, then look in the mirror and see two blue/purple-ish flowers on the wall behind me, as i stare at them they begin to float up and down.
i panic, thinking i might lose touch with reality completely now. im crying and rush to the phone to call an ambulance and tell them whats going on. i dont want to be alone, i cant be alone, i want help, im terrified by whats happening.

the ambulance gets to my apartment in a heart beat. i have 10 poeple standing in my living room now but it feels like 20, im lying on a gurney, tied down. everyone is looking at me but no body is paying attention, everyone is talking, its so loud, one person is on a phone, no body is listening to me while i panic and cry.
i regret my decision. now i will get locked up and will be comepletely alone, no body will believe me, no body will listen to me, what i say from this point on doent matter, i wont be taken seriously, wont be loved, if only i had hid this, then i could lead a normal life and wouldnt be alone.

then one of them, an indian man, bends over me and looks me in the eyes, his look is strained and serious, his eyes pervade me, its as if he looked right through me. he says: "i know. you will be ok".
i dont believe him but its all i have in that moment.
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