I’ve been feeling pretty well these past few days and actually quite okay for most of this past month. But that’s the problem, I’ve been feeling. And I know the feelings are fake, it’s just my imagination that is tricking me into thinking there’s something good in my life. Now I know that this time, too, it’s not for real. It’s never for real. I can’t remember the last time I felt good about something that was actually the case and not just something I made up in my mind. How can I go on like this? Everything of value is just sand castles that are washed away by the next wave of clarity, leaving me alone with this infernal emptiness. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.