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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Pickett, Jul 23, 2011.

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  1. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    First of, let me say this is not a joke. Some people think castration is funny, if you are one of those people then leave.

    I've complained of left testicular pain for two years. Doctors just putting me in debt and not solving the problem. I'm thinking or I should say I have been think for a long time now about removing it on my own. I of course want to keep the right side in tact.

    I know it would be dangerous to try but what else can I do? If they won't cure me and just say "deal with it" I don't see too many options. I can either kill myself, attempt my own surgery and live, or attempt it and die. Then there's the possibility of injuring myself more or that removing it won't help. I have to try something though! I can't just do nothing. I care about my quality of life even if Dr. Lockhart does not.

    I wonder if Bactine would work for the pain and possible infection. I swear on the Internet there is hardly any information out there on human castration and how it's performed. Most websites just frown on attempting it by yourself but in my situation I don't see what else I can do besides committing suicide.

    I have made it very clear that this pain cannot be managed effectively enough to live a functional life. It needs to be out of my life completely. I have bruises on my leg where I massage it roughly when it hurts. I just want my life to be over if this doesn't change.

    Before anyone says "oh don't do it" stop and think - would you want to live with a kicked in the nuts feeling for the rest of your life? No, didn't think so. This may seem extreme but it's getting really desperate with no relief.
  2. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    There is a high probability of death by bleeding if you should attempt such a course of action.
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Painful - excruciating - thing to attempt, too.

    What reasons do the doctors give for not helping you? I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. :hug:
  4. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    Hi, what tests/things have you had done to sort this? I would think it's something that can be treated, have you looked thoroughly online sometimes you can find ideas for them to test for. Chances are you will make things worse if you attempt this yourself, i think it's called Orchiectomy.
  5. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    @Acy, the pain has already been bad and excruciating. I'm sure trying this myself will not be easy, but I have to do something, don't I? I can't live like this and I refuse to. I was in the pysch ward because I would rather die then feel pain in my groin and testicle. By their logic everyone should be locked up and medicated.

    This is not something I can live with. I wish you could see the bruises on my left leg from massaging it too roughly. It's all I can do. I have to apply lots of pressure and massage it and that doesn't help for long. I guess they call this pain in my leg and abdomen and lower back referred pain. It sort of branches out.

    They just want to milk the insurance company. There's more money to be made that way than curing me. I really believe that if my left testicle were gone and all the components on the left side then it wouldn't be bad and probably would cure me. I could easily live with one testicle but if it would cure me I would let them take both! It's that bad!

    So you understand I am not afraid of dying from this. My family is so sick of me right now. I can't work and I feel like less than half the person I used to be before this happened.

    They haven't helped me and my own dad says I should "rise above the pain" and people think this is something that I can live with. Not only is that cruel but it's just fucking ignorant. I might be forced to take matters into my own hands and I want ideas on how to make it as painless as possible. Is Bactine a good idea?

    Keep in mind that this is NOT self-harm. If I go through with this then it is so I can live and is not suicide if I am unsuccessful. Everyone else may be content with me suffering but I am not and want this nightmare to end.
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Ugh. Insurance companies. Ummm...OK...just trying to think of things that might help so you don't go cutting yourself up. I'm sure you've gone through most things already if you're feeling so desperate, so I'm sorry if you've already tried the following:

    Have you seen a pain specialist? I know someone who went to a pain clinic and got good help for chronic, severe pain.

    What about a endocrinologist (gland specialist)? Maybe he/she would know more about any hormonal aspects that could be involved in causing the pain.

    A general surgeon? To see if he/she would perform the surgery you want.

    As for your question, I'm not a doctor, but I'd say NO, Bactine is NOT a strong enough disinfectant. I've no idea what would be. But Bactine is for minor scrapes and cuts.
  7. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Stop and think. The pain is causing you to justify this action. You've said it yourself, desperate. No mate, don't do this yourself. Perhaps it's time to consult with a doctor about setting up a surgery, or atleast talking to them so they are aware of your physical and mental situation as it revolves around the pain you are feeling. Find out how much it is and save up for it, and perhaps in the meantime the doctors can give you something for the pain.

    You're talking about multiating your body permenantly, especially something that revolves around your sex drive. Do they have any idea what the problem is?
  8. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    Okay, Bactine sounds like it won't work very well but I read that it doesn't sting and has antiseptic in it to take away pain. It has to be better than nothing.

    I'm not sure what an endocrinologist does, but my family doctor sent me to a Urologist. I saw him a couple times and he didn't seem to give two shits. The sonograms done were "normal" although they said there was fluid but it looked okay.

    I was told about pain management. I think it's BS. How can I function like this? What would a pain management specialist do except take money from me that I DO NOT have?! THIS IS SOMETHING THAT CANNOT BE MANAGED. I should have surgery or something to correct this. Pain Management therapy is another sham by the medical profession! They tell you to exercise and do all the stuff that UPSETS your pain levels so you keep coming back and back and back and back and back and back and back. EVIL, WICKED, PEOPLE

    My familiy doctor says he knows no one who would remove my testicle. He said he couldn't guarentee that would help me but I am willing to do anything to be happy agAIN. He fucking laughed and joked that I could go to India or Africa or something and they would take out anything I wanted. they just want me to suffer and take my money and I'm damn near broke and can't work I want to be painfree and I keep getting blown off, dismissed by them. They say just live with it but I would rather die.

    The last time I stabbed my arm I thought that this was not hate. It was love. I wanted to end my pain. But I don't want to have to die. If I try this and live then I won't have to kill myself.
  9. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    SBlake makes the point that your doctor needs to be aware of both your physical and mental states...Does your doctor know you feel suicidal because of the pain? That might be a point to raise if he/she doesn't know.

    I'm really sad that you're going through such a nasty time and that the doctors haven't been of more help so far. I can't imagine ongoing pain like that. I wish I had more helpful ideas.

    Bactine is NOT enough of a disinfectant or anesthetic. The risks, hun...bleeding to death, more pain than you are already in, infection, mutilation, "disability"...See another doctor. Keep telling them the pain is driving you nutty. But please do NOT do this thing to yourself.

  10. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    I am desperate you would be too!

    Your sig says"Lifes made for those that do and try." They aren't trying to cure me and everyday I am criticized for not having a job and being so screwed up. So I might have to take action and do this.

    I have thought about this A BUNCH, believe me. This is not some thought I came up with on a whim. I've given it more thought that I wish. If I had a wish I'd wish my scrotum and everything within was healthy again. The doctors act like they can't see anything. I don't know what else to do.

    I want to live my life and be happy and maybe trying this and failing would be better than killing myself. Can't you understand how I feel? I'm not trying to mutilate myself, I'm talking about surgery. I'm not qualified but nobody will help me. Even if my sex drive was lost and I was pain free that would be better than what I have now. The testicle burns almost all the time and I'm reduced to a piece of shit with an alcohol problem. P.S. If and when I go through with this surgery I won't do it intoxicated. I want to make myself better.



    That doctor has seen me in the pysch ward three times now i think. He says he's concerned about the depression but won't take time to care about what I told him is causing it. Just take this pill or that pill and your balls will hurt but your brain will produce "happy chemicals" what a fucking joke.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 23, 2011
  11. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Well I need to change my sig at anyrate, it's incorrect.

    I can defiantly begin to understand that you are in incredible pain and discomfort to even be considering this. The probem is, if I can be an ass, is that when you're under intense pain, constantly. Once an idea gets into your head, it's kept alive by the constant pain you're feeling. It'll get bigger, and the pain will cause you to create irrational justifications to doing it. I'll be blunt, you honestly don't know much about medical practices, especially if you're googleing it. It's not an insult, it's a fact that's pointing out that you're desperate. But you're desperation is causing you to honestly fall into irrational options, which you're building from because they offer a glimmer of reliefe. I know you want and need the pain to go away, but trust me, you do not want to do this yourself. The idea is plausable, but not for you to do it. You honestly need to make an appointment with the doctors again.

    There are honestly far too many sceanrios and issues that WILL happen. You need to find the right doctors, even if that means traveling out of your state. There is obviously a problem, a problem that can be identified because it is isolated to on particular part of your body. If that requires removal in the end, then that can should be only performed by a registered doctor.

    To be honest, you can not be 100% certain it is your testical. More than likely it is considering it is the area where the pain is located. But this could be induced by something else, which if left untreat could spread to the other testical.

    There's other possibile issues, other things... Im not trying to be a dick, im just trying to snap you out of it, cause I know this idea is the only thing you're looking at atm. But it's not the answer.
  12. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    I wasn't trying to call you an ass. I just meant people in general who don't try to understand and think that living with this is okay. This can't be managed and the people that I counted on to help me aren't trying. I just feel like it's all on me now and even my own dad says it's all on me to "rise above it." He thinks I can shut down the pain mentally. He isn't very understanding.

    If I do this and fail I won't be wrong. If anyone is wrong it is gay bashers who beat up men who love men and doctors who suck patients hopes and bank accounts dry when they have performed no work.

    My parents on probably on the verge of kicking me out anyway. The law might come after me too. I think this is something I have to do. I certainly won't get medical treatment in jail. I'm tired of being denied and if I die then all my problems are solved. I have to cure this pain because no one else will. Time is running out and I have barely any money.
  13. mokumokuren1

    mokumokuren1 Member

    i was thinking of castration before also.. not for pain reasons but other reasons..
    it is similar to castrating cattle, that is something i read once.. same equiptment..
  14. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Pickett, I well relate to you.. I had my right one removed because of a hernia.. It was drawing up inside of me so they removed it.,.I also well remember the intence pain that followed..Have you been checked for a hernia??
  15. Stripe

    Stripe Well-Known Member

    I read your post and it reminded me of a story I saw in the news a few years ago.
    Thought you might be interested.

    Of course I dont think you should do surgery on yourself. It didnt work out too well for this guy. Probably will not work out that well for you either.

  16. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    This is not how I plan to go trough with my plan. He took no precautions and did it because of a bet! He is clearly a bit off, he wasn't experiencing pain like I was, and he is just a damn fool. This has to be a joke.

    I see my family doctor tomorrow. If he denies me an inguinal orchiectomy then I am going to be forced to take matters into my own hands.

  17. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Just want to wish you good luck at your appt tomorrow. Trying this surgery on yourself is not safe. I hope the doctor helps you this time. :arms:
  18. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Acy. I did get to see the doctor today. I just got back from my appointment actually. He referred me to a different Urologist than last time and hopefully the appointment gets set up soon.

    I hope I get the help I need. This just weighs too freaking heavy for me to even begin to explain. I'm so afraid I'll be put in a situation where I have to do it myself. I barely have any money to see the doctor. They need to help me quick so I can get back to living again.
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