Howdy All, Kind of a rant, but my psychiatrist doesn't get it. He thinks I'm OCD and slightly depressed. My psychiatrist never looked at the neuropsychiatrist's report which hit the head on the nail, severely depressed w/psychotic features and a flat affect to boot, that was after several rorschach ink blots and 400 question personality tests (not sure what it was called, it took me two days to complete by penciling in the bubbles) - he has no freakin clue how much I think/dream/wish for death or how horrible I feel inside. I act normal in his office because I don't want people to see me crying in public or any environment - it is a sign of weakness that others feed on - I've learned to hide my emotions to protect myself - he's only seen me 3 or 4 times for a total of 60minutes - his diagnosis came after 30 seconds of being in his care (apparently he is just that astute, or the drug companies like to test their products, or perhaps it's a personal guinea pig project - haven't decided which yet) - he certainly has a lot of sample packs of meds (gives me a bag full when I go to his office). This sucks - luckily he prescribed a large amount of a medication which is about twice the LD50 for the medication in mg/kg for my weight. I figure I drink enough to build the courage and then go out and then start foaming at the mouth as my internal organs begin to fail - I don't care if it hurts anyone anymore - people around me have been cruel and unforgiving (telling me good luck finding a job, when I'm so frightened I can't leave my house except for doctors appt's and picking up alcohol at a shop across the block from me). I just want all the s*** to stop - no more problems to deal with (and I foresee several of them in the near future, I am already financially ruined and soon to be homeless to boot, guess I won't be posting here once that happens). My life has been a series of 'temporary' problems, thusly it is a permanent problem - requiring a permanent solution. I have to get the will power to go through with this one. I can't stand it any longer, it's like bugs crawling under my skin - I have to end it.