Cause and Effect

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by CCK, May 21, 2009.

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  1. CCK

    CCK Well-Known Member

    Today I wrote another poem, based off of the first 2 lines in the first stanza. I came up with those fairly spontaneously and the rest of the poem came fairly easily. I like the emotion I managed to convey, and the interesting variation in end-rhyme (varies from one to 3 syllable rhymes, and manages to work pretty well). So what do you guys think?

    Cause and Effect by Arachnid/CCK

    I can't stop how I'm feeling
    Like a train run off it's track;
    Now I'm reduced to kneeling,
    By this weight upon my back

    Can finally see myself
    Don't wanna be myself
    I need to free myself
    From my personal hell

    The blood I've bled's coagulating
    My heart has a growing crack.
    I can't describe the feeling
    That I've lost what can't come back

    I finally see myself
    And cannot be myself
    No way to free myself
    I'm nothing but a shell

    This learning's been revealing:
    I'll never be one of the pack.
    I can't break through the ceiling,
    My hopes slowly fade to black
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    amazing :hug:

    thanks for sharing!
     
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