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caution: this post makes general mention of trauma/abuse

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Liquid Jello, Mar 18, 2014.

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  1. Liquid Jello

    Liquid Jello Well-Known Member

    after years and years of therapy due to abuse -- including sexual abuse and ritual abuse within a cult -- perpetrated by both parents, beginning around age 2 1/2, I finally came to believe that I had made it through the nightmare of the first 18 years of my life. after major work, I had integrated my 77 (multiple) personalities (that had been created to protect my psyche) into a single identity. 4 years after that integration, I unfortunately had the first clear memories of the cult abuse. I spent the past 4 years processing horrific cult memories. and finally I reached a point where that processing was basically done. and I thought that finally, at the age of 50, I could get on with my life. and for several months, I in fact did have a remission of my longstanding major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms.

    however, due to all the trauma and the way my brain responded and developed, the depression and generalized anxiety are likely to recur the rest of my life (both of which returned a couple months back). I feel so devastated. and so hugely disappointed. I held so many dreams. and I still held such high expectations; I was a gifted child who fell within the genius range. and what ultimately has become of such promise? I remain unable to work; I sleep so much; I have accomplished so little.

    I'm really trying to make it. there's so much that's been lost, irrevocably.

    I'm hoping some contacts via this site might prove beneficial, as I'm rather isolated, and would welcome online support/friends. and maybe in some small way I might even be of help to someone else.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, chuck1962. Welcome to SF! I'm glad you've found us and reached out, though I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you to us. There is hope, even though we might struggle at times with mental health issues. The really wonderful thing is that you have experienced a remission, so you know it is possible, and it could happen again. Of course, it's frustrating and disappointing - I do know that. But there are also ways to manage and move forward again. Perhaps you could get in touch with your doctor/therapist who helped you before so you can start the process of building yourself up again.

    Dreams are always good to have. Maybe don't discount them as possibilities just because you haven't reached them yet. There is lots of time to set goals, take the steps to reach them. Lots of us here on SF would be happy to support you as work toward that! I hope you keep posting and when you need support or want to share, you let us know. :) :hug:
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