after years and years of therapy due to abuse -- including sexual abuse and ritual abuse within a cult -- perpetrated by both parents, beginning around age 2 1/2, I finally came to believe that I had made it through the nightmare of the first 18 years of my life. after major work, I had integrated my 77 (multiple) personalities (that had been created to protect my psyche) into a single identity. 4 years after that integration, I unfortunately had the first clear memories of the cult abuse. I spent the past 4 years processing horrific cult memories. and finally I reached a point where that processing was basically done. and I thought that finally, at the age of 50, I could get on with my life. and for several months, I in fact did have a remission of my longstanding major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms. however, due to all the trauma and the way my brain responded and developed, the depression and generalized anxiety are likely to recur the rest of my life (both of which returned a couple months back). I feel so devastated. and so hugely disappointed. I held so many dreams. and I still held such high expectations; I was a gifted child who fell within the genius range. and what ultimately has become of such promise? I remain unable to work; I sleep so much; I have accomplished so little. I'm really trying to make it. there's so much that's been lost, irrevocably. I'm hoping some contacts via this site might prove beneficial, as I'm rather isolated, and would welcome online support/friends. and maybe in some small way I might even be of help to someone else.