I don't know why but everyone advice me or in general for people in depression to visit some proffesional specialist. And I don't know how it is supposed to work. I guess it's me who is a problem. I am really shy, never had friends, if not my brother I would be totally 'alone'. Plus - when I read tips with title: 'how to learn how to be happy' or sth like that I feel like a total loser that I can't do that (or I didn't do that - I am so stupid) plus I am angry as I am always afraid that people not only are rejecting me in this way - like saying I am not normal, I can't do it on my own, they don't want to have nothing in common with me (this kind of thoughts) - other thing why I am getting angry is I believe I am scared - that again somebody wants to take control over my life. I guess I have messed up thinking - I just can't take criticism easily. Other thing is that I am scared that I might be mentally ill - which is irrational - as I am afraid that idk? everyone would reject me if I got diagnosed? I would lose control over my life forever? Idk. I know people tell somebody to go to shrink - when they mock others. I am really tired of this life - if I wasn't so scared of death I would have already commited suicide. So this was background - and my question is - can you deal with this alone? I can see that my chances of succesful suicide aren't really big - I like to think about it and have it in my - let's say - 'fantasy goals' for my life - but idk - I overdosed heavily on some pills and before they even started to work I panicked and forced vomiting - so it proves I don't really want to die. So it's not serious. plus - I was always rather 'pessimistic, gloomy' person - and since I feel worse - so for last 4 years more or less - I wasn't like super-depressed all the time - but never felt normal - so it can't be this usual depression which ends by itself after a years or sth. So once again - can you (well - I) deal with this alone? What can I do? Other thing is - is there an option I could try conselling without being like officially diagnosed and having to become 'a patient' for some time? Are there people to whom I could talk with - like not on therapy - but just talk?