I recently went on a waiting list for a CBT program, and in the meantime they have given me an online CBT program to follow. I've just completed my first session. I started it with an open mind, willing to try to do what it said, but at the end of it, I'm feeling kind of...useless. It has such a focus on doing pleasurable activities. But the thing is that I don't stop doing things that I like - I go to my class once a week, I hold down a full time job, I will meet up with friends at the weekend for a drink if I'm asked. My problem is more that even while doing these things, I am thinking negative thoughts. I guess I sort of consider myself "high-functioning" because I don't let my thoughts stop me doing things I like to do (I hope that doesn't offend anyone). Or maybe I'm not really as sick as I think I am, I can't even "do" depression right. But the fact that I still go to these things doesn't stop me sitting across a table from someone and stressing over what they think of me, whether I'm saying the right thing, whether they'll notice my scars, wishing that I was home, telling myself I'm ugly and will never find love just because that boy over there chose to talk to that girl instead of me (and why would they talk to me when I know that I set myself apart from people by being distant and building up barriers?) So now I wonder whether CBT is the right course of action for me. Of course I'm pleased that I can still do these things, I know it's really good to continue getting out of the house and to not let these thoughts stop me from doing things that I want to do. Although I'm also aware that being IN my house is the difficult thing to live with at the moment. But will a therapy like this actually help alleviate the thoughts that I DO have while I'm out? Or will I fail at CBT as well? I will be completing the next seven sessions online, and will do my best to follow their directives. I just hope its going to be a bit more useful. Is it sad though that the computer generated "I'm sorry, that must be very hard to deal with" made me cry? I bet she says that to everyone!!