Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by black_rose_99, Jan 23, 2011.

  1. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I recently went on a waiting list for a CBT program, and in the meantime they have given me an online CBT program to follow. I've just completed my first session. I started it with an open mind, willing to try to do what it said, but at the end of it, I'm feeling kind of...useless. It has such a focus on doing pleasurable activities. But the thing is that I don't stop doing things that I like - I go to my class once a week, I hold down a full time job, I will meet up with friends at the weekend for a drink if I'm asked. My problem is more that even while doing these things, I am thinking negative thoughts. I guess I sort of consider myself "high-functioning" because I don't let my thoughts stop me doing things I like to do (I hope that doesn't offend anyone). Or maybe I'm not really as sick as I think I am, I can't even "do" depression right. But the fact that I still go to these things doesn't stop me sitting across a table from someone and stressing over what they think of me, whether I'm saying the right thing, whether they'll notice my scars, wishing that I was home, telling myself I'm ugly and will never find love just because that boy over there chose to talk to that girl instead of me (and why would they talk to me when I know that I set myself apart from people by being distant and building up barriers?)

    So now I wonder whether CBT is the right course of action for me. Of course I'm pleased that I can still do these things, I know it's really good to continue getting out of the house and to not let these thoughts stop me from doing things that I want to do. Although I'm also aware that being IN my house is the difficult thing to live with at the moment. But will a therapy like this actually help alleviate the thoughts that I DO have while I'm out? Or will I fail at CBT as well?

    I will be completing the next seven sessions online, and will do my best to follow their directives. I just hope its going to be a bit more useful. Is it sad though that the computer generated "I'm sorry, that must be very hard to deal with" made me cry? I bet she says that to everyone!! :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2011
  2. Just to let you know that i have failed CBT many times previously and i was on another form of therapy and it worked.. (Running therapy)..:yay:
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I can imagine it is very patronising. Don't think too much of the online courses. When you actually have a therapist you will be able to tell them what you do and do not like and so will be less patronising. Don't let the computerised version put you off.

    My understanding with CBT is at the beginning it is the therapist who does most the work and it changes over time. With the computerised version you are not going to get that. It may not work for you now but it may in the future.

  4. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    Hi Marathon and GoldenPsych

    I did my second session last night and honestly wanted to yell in frustration. It just doesn't seem RELEVANT. And the little spaces they ask you to write comments in don't let you write what you want to write.

    I will do the last few sessions, I just hope they get better. But one of the people I spoke to suggested that at least if I go through with this stuff and it doesn't work, I have more of a platform to move on to something different - I can say I tried and it didn't work, so we need to move on.

    Thank you for your replies :)