Change is stressfull

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lav11, Jan 26, 2014.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    I've known this for a while... every time I expect change I start getting worried and stressed more so then usual..

    I now start university in 3 weeks and am moving 2 hours away from where I am currently living... this means I cant keep seeing my current counsellor, I have to move away from basically everyone I know, i'm starting a new school in an area I have no idea about... and so forth.

    Now i'm starting uni and i'm so worried I have to lose weight (seeing as I've gained so much in my last binge stage) which means adopting my ED behaviours once again.. which involves risking getting seriously caught up in it all once again.. This has been going on for two weeks now and ive lost all my energy as per usual and my depression is getting soo bad. I cant help thinking that if I cant lose this weight I don't want to be alive anymore. Im worried that this is going to be an ongoing issue even after I start uni and have settled down. My current therapist suggested seeing someone who specialises in eating disorders but I refuse to do that until ive lost another XX kilograms.

    I also don't even know if I want to start therapy again because I really struggle to open up to new people. I want to talk in more detail with my current therapist about it but im on such limited time until I leave. and theres so much other stuff she wants to talk to me about before I leave like needing to see a doctor, and what not....

    My therapist keeps saying I can do this and I don't need to go back to hospital, but my feelings are getting stronger and stronger and all I can think about is offing myself. I know ill try to fight it but if I don't start losing weight faster and figuring out what im going to do in regards to the future I know ill end up flipping it real soon.

    I should be happy, instead I just want to die
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry is so stressful right now - and yes- change is very stressful. On the other hand I am sure that like most of us you have wished for a chance to start over without the old baggage and this is the perfect opportunity to do that. You do not need to lose weight to start Uni and I am sure you know that - it is just a defense mechanism of your old eating disorder telling you to do that to fall back into old habits that are familiar to combat the fear of change. Look for the chance to start over and do things differently and try to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past now that you have the experience of hindsight to make better choices. Look to starting with a new counselor as an opportunity to get into things more quickly so you do not run out of time this time around and learn from the past instead of try to move back into the eating disorders and lack of therapy that caused things to spiral out of control before. You know how well that turned out last time so consciously make better choices this time. :hug:
     
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