This isn't much of a rant, but a ramble. People are being so nice to me all of a sudden. I was getting so sick of people in general the more i got depressed and people generally ignore me. I was fine with that, I've always been sort of invisible-I dont like attention and I certainly don'e like when people look at me. Anyone else like that? If people look at me I feel like they are finding all my faults and flaws and are reading me. Anyway, now, lately, people have been extra nice, my friends, coworkers and even some strangers dont seem to be as oblivious to me as they used to be. I was at the video store one day, in the middle of my deepest depression and one man commented how he 'never seen any girl look as sad' as me. I looked at him for a second and tried to smile and walked away. Even the people that are closest to me who I was having problems with for awhile have basically sat back and now are just being nice. I don't know. I'm not imagining it. It's not a complaint. Just curious. I'm having a not-so-bad day today. Ever since I sort of turned things around a little bit I have bad days and good days. Yesterday was a *really* bad day and today-sort of light. I'm looking forward to a really decent weekend. I hope it turns out that way. Im scared of looking forward to it because if it doesnt turn out right it will make me down. I just want it to be decent. I hope everyone is doing ok.
I can sympathize with you here. I like when I am not noticed and I was practising my invisibility skills when a girl I barely know from school last year saw me and made a point of saying how nice it was to see me. The emphasise obviously showing her perceptiveness of my current state. I used to prize my ability to hide my emotions but I seem to be losing this ability. I didn't realize how expressive eyes could really be until recently.
i can hide feelings sometimes. Sometimes my face gives me away. Sometimes I can only hide it well enough where people don't know what I'm feeling but they know I'm feeling -something- I was hiding my depression for awhile then it took its toll and people began to notice and i could just think "oh.....fuck......" and then I didnt care. I didn't tell anyone anything but they still asked what was wrong, I could talk to them, I was different, etc I failed at hiding things anymore. Now that I feel I'm going up a bit I dont have that much to hide, except my arm (from cuts) Now, it's like people now what's going on so they are making a point to be nice. Even tho they don't know what's going on. I'm glad for the change. I hope it stays this way for awhile.
