Change

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AfterFact, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    There was once a time, when I was sane. I was just a little kid, before I understood religion, before I had any worries. Then I grew older, at around eight I understood religion enough to reject it. I became an atheist. Things began to change.
    At the age of 11 I told a friend that I was atheist. Soon, school became hell, most of my friends became dousebags to me, I even lost a person I had known since 3rd grade. Then the whole thing subsided. But the damage was already done. I had already crawled into my shell. That was when I began to degenerate.
    One year ago when I was 12, I began to comtempt sucide. Four months later I had my first batches of overdoses. My sucidial quest to end my life had begin. I began skipping school, while under the guise of sickness, though mosttruanacies were because of overdoses, After that period I stopped having sucidal thoughts. I had forgotten about it and didnt try to remember.
    That didnt last long, soon I started again, I began to overdose on my dad's medicine. I started to accept that I was depressed, but did not get help. By New Years Eve, I had 7 overdoses, 3 other attempts, deep depression, chronic bouts of mental numbness, dropping grades, loss of complex social relationships, and the building of pathological lying.

    I have started to self harm, to stop my sucidal attempts on my life, to make me feel something. I am 13, and yet the pain I feel every waking moment drives me insane. I fidget with a knife every night, sometimes self harming, sometimes not. For some fucked up reason it comforts me.

    I cant make sense of my life right now.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No you can't so talk to an adult that can help you. Talk to a school councillor a teacher your parents. Talk to your doctor tell someone what the hell is going on and get help for yourself make them listen. Go to the hospial emergency and talk to someone there but get yourself some help NOW while you are young enough to get all the help you need get it now. TAlk to someone.
     
  3. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    As Violet said,

    GET HELP!! Please - with the ingenuity you have shown, I know you can find a way to go get help....

    Call a crisis line and get referrals, there are hospitals that are set up to help...

    Use some of that wonderful mental energy you have shown in finding ways to try to escape - to find ways to get help, please...

    Things can really get better...

    Let us know what is going on and how you have chosen to get help....
     
  4. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    It is too late for me,
    im well theres no easy way to say this, im dying as we speak. Pills are taking effect, and this time I dont think im going to make it.
    S
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 10, 2010