There was once a time, when I was sane. I was just a little kid, before I understood religion, before I had any worries. Then I grew older, at around eight I understood religion enough to reject it. I became an atheist. Things began to change. At the age of 11 I told a friend that I was atheist. Soon, school became hell, most of my friends became dousebags to me, I even lost a person I had known since 3rd grade. Then the whole thing subsided. But the damage was already done. I had already crawled into my shell. That was when I began to degenerate. One year ago when I was 12, I began to comtempt sucide. Four months later I had my first batches of overdoses. My sucidial quest to end my life had begin. I began skipping school, while under the guise of sickness, though mosttruanacies were because of overdoses, After that period I stopped having sucidal thoughts. I had forgotten about it and didnt try to remember. That didnt last long, soon I started again, I began to overdose on my dad's medicine. I started to accept that I was depressed, but did not get help. By New Years Eve, I had 7 overdoses, 3 other attempts, deep depression, chronic bouts of mental numbness, dropping grades, loss of complex social relationships, and the building of pathological lying. I have started to self harm, to stop my sucidal attempts on my life, to make me feel something. I am 13, and yet the pain I feel every waking moment drives me insane. I fidget with a knife every night, sometimes self harming, sometimes not. For some fucked up reason it comforts me. I cant make sense of my life right now.